My Little Murder

Chapter 1 - Take Me Back

I tapped my fingers quietly on the bench in front of me. I was sitting at the kitchen counter of my new home for the first time in a few years. That was all Pax's doing; since our mum didn't do shit all for us but spend the family's money on alcohol, my brother had taken to looking after me and sorted out the new house. We had to move, after all the rumours. We had money stored away for that kind of thing, from our grandparents. They looked after us when Mum couldn't. Pax had moved us out of our old place and into a new town while I was still in the hospital; he's been here for a year now, but this is the first time I've set foot here. Pax was more of a parent to me than my own mother was to the both of us, and knew exactly how to make me feel better when I needed it.

Like now.

"Pax, I'd rather you get that nurse to come in to teach me at home," I sighed, watching as my brother made us a smoothie. "She was really nice; she taught me well."

"Liv, I can't afford for you to have a bad education just because you liked the old nurse," Pax replied in a murmur, his voice muffled from the position of his lean back facing me as he was focused on the blender. "And besides; it'll be good for you to make friends that aren't other patients."

"What if I don't want other friends?" I shot back with a scowl. "What if I liked those patients? I don't want to live here, Pax; it's big and it's busy and there are a lot of people here."

"I noticed," Pax replied cockily. "Look; I don't want to force you into anything, but I think it's a really good idea; you're improving immensely, and the doctors seemed to think you were ready to get yourself out there. You're seventeen in a few weeks, Liv; you should be out there, doing things other kids your age do."

"You're literally 1 year older than me," I deadpanned. "Pax, I just don't think I'm ready-"

"That's because you don't want to be ready," her brother shot back as if he was making a point he knew was 100% correct. Turning around with my finished smoothie in his hand, he looked at me with the ghost of a smile playing at his lips. "One day, you'll thank your lucky stars that I sent you back to school; trust me."

I just sighed and nodded fervently, glancing around the room while I took a sip of my smoothie. I would have asked where Mum was, only I knew. And didn't really care. She didn't tolerate myself or Pax; she hardly saw us every week, let alone every day. She'd leave early and get home late, with an empty wallet, an airy head and a full stomach. It worked out perfectly for us; we didn't have to see her as much as she didn't want to see us.

Or rather, me.

I'm trying to imagine what school would look like after two years of not being there. I can't, not really. I'm guessing the work would be a lot harder than what I had to do at the hospital, and I'd actually need to talk to more people than when I was in grade 9. I could go without having friends, right? I didn't need friends. Having people close to you was risky; you had to make sure they were real and genuine, or they could use everything you hold dear against you. They could break you if you weren't careful. In case you hadn't guessed, I didn't have any friends. I couldn't find anyone real enough.

"If you just go there and try it for one week," Pax said eventually, leaning on the kitchen bench in front of me, "then come home and tell me how it went; that would be all I ask. And if it's too much to handle, I'll call Doctor Smith and see if there's something we can do about home-schooling, okay? But you have to promise that you'll try."

I sighed. "Fine, one week," I muttered, rubbing my forehead as I felt a headache slowly creeping up on me. "But you need to be patient; I'm still getting used to this. Being out in reality is a really big step."

"I know," Pax murmured, raking his light brown hair out of his face. "I know this is big for you; it's big for me, too. But you'll be fine, trust me; the school isn't bad, I've been there for a year now. No one really judges; there aren't any bitchy girls at all, I don't think, so you'll do great, I'm sure."