My Little Murder

Chapter 13 - When Shit Hits The Fan

It was finally Friday, but Pax didn't agree to let me go to school, under one condition: I wasn't trying hard enough. Obviously, it was really hard for me, but I decided that it was probably for the best. Since the point of me being out of hospital was to improve my state, there couldn't be any harm in it, could there? I sure surprised Pax when I agreed to try, as long as he would help me. The only time I could ever do anything without freaking out was when he was around; his presence really soothed me, and whenever he was around, I knew everything was fine.

So he organised for me to see a psychiatrist, who might be able to help me remember what happened on the docks. He thought that as long as he was there, I wouldn't freak out. So I agreed.

When we arrived at the office of the psychiatrist, I was well on my way to breaking down and crying. My nerves were getting the best of me. I tried, as Pax led me to the front door, to tell myself that this woman wanted to help me, but it wasn't that easy, no way. I didn't know what to do with myself, if I'm being completely honest. Did I really want to get better? Because that means that I have to talk about my feelings, and that was something I really didn't want to do. But, I knew that it would put Pax's mind at ease, and if he said it would be helpful, then who was I to refuse? What's the harm?

When the door opened, the young woman that appeared in the doorway smiled at us and gestured inside the building. She had honey coloured hair that was hanging in large curls past her shoulders, with a pair of exquisite blue eyes that were warm and welcoming. She seemed to be a very approachable woman, and I knew I'd be appreciating this sooner or later.

Exchanging a glance with my brother, I took the lead and slowly stepped inside at her invitation. It smelled nice; like vanilla and cinnamon. It was soothing. The room was fairly large, with three doors to either side. The carpet smelled strongly of chemicals, as if they had just been cleaned, but the curtains that hung over the massive window in front of me were dusty beyond compare. It didn't look like they'd been used since they got there.

"Sorry to call so late at such short notice," Pax said finally, when we were directed through one of the three doors to two seats that were positioned in front of a desk.

"It's no trouble at all," the woman replied with a soft smile, turning to me. "My name is Sara Kingsley, it's nice to finally meet you Liv. The doctors from the hospital you were staying at told me that you would be calling in sooner or later; I'm glad you've decided to come in."

I give her a small smile. "Yeah, thanks," I murmured, tucking a loose strand of hair nervously behind my ear.

"So, I'm going to ask you a few questions first, alright?" Sara began, crossing her legs beneath the desk as she pulled out a clipboard and clicked the end of a pen, holding it to the blank paper in front of her. "You up for that?"

I nodded my head. "Just, take it slow," I added quietly, and she smiled warmly.

"Of course, sweetie," she replied, then looked down at some notes that she had on her desk. "Okay, so I want to know why you're here today. What made you decide to see me?"

I shuffled around in my seat, glancing at Pax. He nodded encouragingly. So I turned back to Sara and nodded myself.

"I went on a chemistry camp on Sunday," I announced, twiddling my thumbs together. "We were observing the landscape, and things like that. There's a guy in my class; he kind of... I don't really know what he is. I wouldn't say friend, but... I feel like he's more than that."

"So, a romantic interest?" Sara asked. I sighed.

"It's complicated," I muttered. "But we were on a dock that ran over a lake when we got back from observing, which was Monday. The rest of the class was jumping in the water, splashing each other, having a good time. I was watching them. Kind of wishing I could be there, with them. Enjoying myself. But this guy; he was moody all day, and I was annoyed at him – the usual. But he came to talk to me, to apologise, sorta'. But we got into a bit of an argument that I don't remember all too clearly, and then... nothing."