Gold And Coal (Ryden AU)

1.25 ◇ Dead Hearts

"No you're not. You're amazing, Ry, and what we did last night doesn't change that, okay? You're a good person, so who cares who you fuck," he said soothingly.

I wanted to believe him, I really did, but the heaviness of my thoughts drowned his words and I was left with my self-pity.

"Ryan... Listen to me, there's nothing wrong with you, okay? Think about it, if what we did was wrong, then why did it feel so good?"

I let him put an arm around me and pull me closer to him, cherishing his warmth and the safety it brought with it. Slowly, he pushed away the darkness surrounding me, and maybe... there wasn't a big chance, and I believed all my luck had already run out, but maybe there was a tiny chance that things would be okay.

"Let's get back, alright?" He suggested, pulling me up and taking my hand as we walked back to the main street.

He let go of my hand as soon as we got there, and I missed his warmth immediately, wishing I could just curl up beside him for the rest of my life.

But I couldn't. And as much as I would like to pretend that everything was perfect, it wasn't.

"Brendon... you need to take me home," I said once we got into the carriage again, the driver sending us some pretty nasty looks, hopefully just because we had left him waiting out here all night, and not because he knew what we had been doing.

He frowned at me, but nodded, sliding open the window to talk to the driver.

"Take me with you?" He asked innocently, looking at me with big eyes.

"I..." did not want to take him with me. I didn't know how he would react if he found out. I was scared. I was afraid what he might do to him.

"Please," he persisted, and I hesitantly nodded, knots tying themselves in my stomach, twisting and turning, making me feel sick.

Whilst walking home, I felt jumpier than usual and stopped when we reached the market.

I couldn't show up empty handed.

"Brendon? Can you buy something?" I asked quietly, gesturing to the stands.

He nodded and we bought a loaf of bread, some cheese and a couple of apples.

When we finally stood in the alley which contained the entrance to my home, I turned to Brendon again and he raised an eyebrow.

"I can't take you inside," I murmered.

"Why?" He seemed dissapointed.

"It's just...," I stopped, having no idea how to explain.

"Tell me the truth, Ryan," he sighed.

"Um. I... Remember when I brought you here the first time?"

"Yeah, some thieves robbed you or something," he said impatiently.

"Well, there were no thieves, it was my father."

He stared at me in disbelief and I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"Then I'm definitely coming with you," he said, pushing past me further into the alley.

"No!" I shouted, grabbing his shoulder and shoving him against the wall. He didn't understand.

"Listen to me, you'll only make things worse! There's nothing you can do!"

He stared back at me.

"I have a gun," he stated blankly.

"You're not going to shoot him! He's my father!" I snapped in disgust.

"So what? He hurts you, Ry, badly! Family doesn't start in blood, you have to earn it!"