Footprints on my Heart

Chapter 7 --- Jèté

It is hard to explain it really because the truth is, there are no simple nor complex words to help describe it. Everyone's going up for a change, everyone's moving on and here I am, stuck..

I had replayed it over and over in my mind. No matter what, I always felt the sharp hint of tears on the corner of my eyes. To think that Travis already forgot what we had and I were to stay here, it was unbearable

Freeze.

I know I should say something but I can't make any words come out of my mouth. So I sit in silence, and the seconds stretched.

I know Elaine on the other end of the line will say "You there Nik?" I have a choice, to pretend that you got cut off and to hang up the phone which won't undo anything what was said or I could've reacted and say, "I don't really know what to say".

About thirty minutes after I left the Quiñones Building, I got a call from Elaine herself and no doubt, she'll ask me about the disaster I had awhile ago and I couldn't have the guts to finally admit that, maybe, I really did lose Travis.. forever.

I walked on my own on the sidewalk. No one knew who I was at the moment and I'm afraid I don't even know myself anymore. I bumped into some random people and apologized but they wont hear me.

Amidst of the pollution, the dust and the blaring sun, I continue to be dazed in my own sorrow. I continue to walk and walk until I can no longer feel my own feet. The sound of the wind rushes past my ears. It is deafening. It swirls around me and plays with the tails of my sundress, causing it to billow around me.

And that is all. That is how I feel. I know it doesn't involve anyone, it doesn't much affect anybody, life will move on and things will keep changing and spinning and happening on their own.

No one is waiting for my big reaction, no one's asking me to be dramatic or emotional or say what I feel because really, it's not about me.

I want to rehash what was said over and over again until Travis would understand, and give my opinion on it, and make sense of it, and try to change it.

Change it. Undo it. Make it like it never happened.

If we could turn back the clocks, would that make things right?

But no one is asking, nobody cares what I have to say and it doesn't matter really, does it?

Usually, I can describe how I was feeling but sometimes, there's really nothing to say. I kind of feel nothing at all and that makes me feel worse.

The bystander affect is an interesting phenomenon whereby many people witness an event happening, such as a mugging, an attack, but the more people that are in the crowd, the less likely it is that any one of them will run to help, or to call 117, being that everyone thinks that someone else will do it.

But what if you'll be the one right in the middle of an accident? What if it's your turn now?

The car was not going very fast, but it came close enough to send me sprawling back unto the pavement, the brakes letting out a screech as they locked into place more than three feet past where I had been less than a second earlier. The car let out another screech before I could look up and sped off down the road.

Badly frightened, I did not hear the rapidly approaching footfalls behind me until the man was kneeling beside me. "You alright? Did he hit you?"

"N... no." My voice was a weak quiver and I had to take a deep breath to calm myself before I could continue. "I think I'm alright. He didn't hit me."