How To Ruin Your Life

Step 1: Be a Jerk

There's a loud-ass beeping noise. I open my eyes to see the offender, only to have some bright numbers stare me in the face. 2:30 A.M. Ready to go fuck myself over. I'm so fucking tired right now, having only gotten an hour of sleep. I get up and start doing push-ups, though I'm already exhausted. I can hardly get to 20 this morning. I really am getting weak.

I stretch myself out, then turn on the light, setting off a mass amount of pain in my head, especially around my eyes. Looking around for some clothes, I stub my toe, nearly screaming out in pain. I can't scream now; Dad's still sleeping.

I find some skinny jeans, a tank top and a sweatshirt and change into them. I grab my school bag and head out of the house, opening and closing doors as silently as possible. I go to the woods that aren't far from my house.

I am always afraid of entering the forest, making it the perfect place; I need to get over my fear somehow. I enter the woods through a small clearing and lead myself though the forest until I find myself by the perfect tree; it's the same one I usually climb up to do my homework. I climb it, my backpack weighing me down with the heavy books. It'll make me stronger. If 'mantra' weren't such a shitty word, that's what I would call that last sentence.

Some of the leaves rustle in the distance, and they sound like they are walking this direction. It's probably an animal. Who the fuck would be up this early in the morning? Despite my mind's rational arguments, I climb as fast as humanly possible up the tree. I find a nice little nook in the tree and carefully take my backpack off of my shoulder, still listening for the footsteps that haven't stopped.

I pull out my math homework. It's still kind of dark out, despite the bright moon this morning, so I pull out my phone to shine on the paper. It's pre-calc, which I don't particularly like, but I need to finish it. I don't have a calculator, which sucks when it comes to doing my math homework. I've taught myself to do it all manually.

But this morning, my mind is racing more quickly than usual, not because of the pre-calc, but because of the approaching footsteps. I've never actually seen another human being in these woods. I've had animal come in the general area, but they never get this close, and their footsteps don't sound like this. I think about turning my phone light off, but prevent myself from doing it because 'I need to get over my fears'. I see the figure approaching.

Maybe it's just some bitch looking for their lost dog or some shit. Maybe it's the neighbor and he's looking for some dying animal to fucking take from it's family, then pretend that he found it and wants to nurture it back to fucking health. Believe it or not, this actually calms me down, this mindless joking.

I ignore the figure and go back to thinking about my homework.

"Hey! Who's there?" Man, this bag of shit is stupid. He has a Eastern European accent which he doesn't even attempt to hide. This guy is going to have the shit beaten out of him. I can see some key features to the individual who is now standing at the base of the tree, due to the moonlight. Well, the moonlight and the pale skin of the stranger. Anyway, this guy's got some dark hair, either black or dark brown. It's always hard to tell in the dark. He's got a leather jacket on, so he's probably some kind of 'alternative' kid who's trying too hard to be 'alternative'. Fan-fucking-tastic. Another one.

I roll my eyes, then go back to my math. I've only gotten two problems done and it's already 2:53.

"Hello?" Oh yeah, I forgot. He's still expecting an answer.

"What the fuck do you want?" I holler down, knowing that if I don't say it any louder, the asshole won't hear me.

"I'm just wondering why you're in this tree at three in the morning," he yells back.