Beg the Stars

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by Woowoowriting

by Woowoowriting

We got another chapter of that thing. I tried sitting outside yesterday to see who was dropping them off, but I didn’t see anyone before my mom made me come inside. She thought I’d get shot or something.

But anyway, this is the new one:

Chapter 10: Begging

Let’s be honest, here. If, on the extremely rare chance you survive (the Vegas odds are running at 1 in 6,999,999,999 at the moment), you will be doing a lot of begging. Not just to the Universe itself (and you’d better fucking beg, it let you survive, asshole), but to the planet as well. Beg for forgiveness, for food, for shelter, for all of it.

But, we must deal with the now! And now, we are all in the gutter, staring at the stars. So beg the stars to give you some of their stardust. Here are some good things to beg for, and who to beg for it:

Forgiveness, from God: Yeah, you should probably do this. Probably. Just saying. On the off-chance that God is real, he’s super, super pissed right now. Just rage quitting up there. You’d better beg him for forgiveness, for whatever you did. It’s probably a lot. Remember that time you stared at that woman’s boobs when she walked by, you feminist pig? Yeah, God saw it. He didn’t like it. Beg for forgiveness.

Food, from The Best Cook You Know: Chances are, we’re going to run out of food. That’s a very, very high probability. So go to The Best Cook You Know, and say “Hey, you’re the best cook I know. May I have some food?” If they don’t give it to you, beg. You need food to survive.

Sex, from The Hottest Person You Know: Think about it: This is the last time you’ll get some. Ever. In the history of anything. It better be damn good sex, right? Well, beg for it. I don’t care what you’re in to. Just get it.

Once all of these things are complete, you should be fine. Shelter can be begged and/or acquired from either your sex partner or The Best Cook You Know. It is possible that God will rent a space out to you as well, but I’ve heard it’s hard to get accepted. I think he’s looking for a gay couple.