Oh, Green World!

Philosophies of a Meteor Attack

So I went out to check the mail (to mom’s behest- she didn’t want me leaving the house to go do “such frivolous things”) and I found this in the stack, typed on printer paper:

Chapter 14: Philosophies of a Meteor Attack

Many people will question the principles and reasoning behind a meteor destroying our planet. I’m here to give you more reasonings than you’d ever need.

Reason One (The “Meteors And Science” Reason): Meteors are a product of space and as such, will fly into our planet if our gravitational pull allows it to be so. This is a very simplified philosophy, obviously, but everyone must understand it.

Reason Two (The “God and Religion” Reason): While I do not personally believe this is what is happening, many people have brought up the possibility of a rapture. This would mean that God has is disappointed in us and, like a writer who hates their story, will erase us all from existence. Highly improbable and not at all cool.

Reason Three (The “We All Suck” Reason): We all suck, and we deserve this. If anyone deserves it, if there even is anyone else, it’s us. We’re polluters, rapists, murderers, bullshitters, corrupters, perverted, awful things.

But that doesn’t mean we should be destroyed.

I stuck it on the fridge with a magnet.