Just Say It

Everything We Ever Wanted

Elliot and I just got home from our first shifts at the suspension and it was hell.

Elliot sits down on the couch with a beer.

He offers it to me as I'm taking my leather jacket off but I shake my head.

He drops his head onto the back of the couch and I sit in his lap, resting one hand on his chest and tucking my knees up. Elliot kisses the top of my head and wraps his arms around me.

I wake up 10 minutes later to the feeling of Elliot's thumb brushing across my cheek.

"Liv, the phone..." He says, "It's for you."

"Just hang up." I mumble, "I'm tired."

"Babe it's the doctor." He says, "She says its important."

I take the phone from him and rub my eyes as I get off of his lap and walk into our bedroom.

"Hi, Olivia?" She says, "It's Dr. O'Hara."

"Yeah, hi." I say fighting back a yawn, "Is there something we forgot about Monday?"

"Before I say anything I do want to make sure you're in a private place for this call." She says.

I sit in the big overstuffed chair in the corner of our bedroom suddenly worried about her tone.

"Olivia I just got the blood work back from the first panel of tests that we ran, from the blood we took about a month ago." She says

"Okay, what's the problem?" I ask, chewing on my hair.

"You were pregnant. About 4 weeks." She says, "And in the blood panel we took 5 days ago shows that you aren't."

I take a deep jagged breath as she continues.

"At 4 weeks the fetus is so small that a miscarriage is often mistaken for a period." She says, "I'm so sorry Olivia."

"Yeah okay, thanks for the call I guess." I say running a hand through my hair.

"Is there anything you need that I can do Olivia?" She asks.

"Will it happen again?" I ask.

"Yes, there is a chance you'll miscarry again." She says.

"Okay." I say ignoring the lump in my throat. "My wedding, it's tomorrow. We wanted to start trying after the wedding, should we wait?"

"No, you guys are in the free and clear to start trying for a baby." She says, "Again I'm sorry Olivia, and good luck tomorrow."

I stand up not stopping to think, knowing that all I need is Elliot.

I walk out of our bedroom and Elliot looks up at me. He immediately notices the tears running down my cheeks and rushes to hug me. He gives me just the kind of hug I need, the feeling of his arms wrapped around me comfort me, reassuring the fact that I will be okay.

He picks me up and sits down on the couch. For awhile he lets me cry, just holding me.

I'm not sobbing, the tears are running down my face and I just feel empty, it's a kind of sadness I've never felt before. I lost something I didn't even know I had and it's devastating.

"Come on Liv, you've gotta talk to me." He says, rubbing my back.

"Whatever it is babe, we'll be okay I promise." He says softly.

"I was right." I say quietly.

"You were right?" He asks, "You were right about what?"