Safe

What Now?

Moving to New Hampshire Count Down: 1 week 2 days

Ruby had just given me the go-ahead. A slight nod of her head told me to keep going. I gently kissed her pelvis. My hands running up and down the outside of her thighs, from hip to knee. Her back curved in pleasure. Just as I was about to hook my finger on the top of her lace underwear she grabbed my hands. Sitting up she mumbled "No. Stop. Not right now. Just... Slow down." 

"Are you okay? What happened?" I said as I sat up handing her the blanket to cover her self up, in case she felt uncomfortable.

"I just got carried away. We shouldn't be doing this. We need to talk." She took the blanket and covered herself up. I picked up my shirt and put it back on. 

"I read your notebook. And there's other stuff we need to talk about, too. I think the notebooks a good place to start."

"Yeah. About that. It's not what it looks like."

"Right because 'waist- 25 in.' isn't what it looks like. Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped."

"There's nothing to help with."

"You're starving yourself!" She threw her hands in the air letting her blanket fall. Her cheeks reddened and she quickly covered up again. I tossed her the shirt she was wearing earlier.

"I am not. I just like keeping track of what I eat."

"You eat basically nothing. I looked. You eat the same amount as kids in Haiti. That's not good."

"Yeah right. I eat plenty of food. But that's not important right now, is it?"

"We'll come back to it." She said. "You're leaving in like, a week." She continued.

"Yes? And.." I prompted her.

"And! What the hell are we doing?"

"Why is it so important that we have things planned out?"

"Cause my life is currently in chaos and I'd like to have comfort in the only thing that makes me happy anymore."

"Sex?" I joked.

"No. I lost my virginity at 12. I have never enjoyed that."

"Shit." I murmured. I had totally forgot about her dad. 

"I'm going to go take a shower. If that's okay?"

"Yeah, Ruby. I'll be here."
  

Moving to New Hampshire Count Down: 1 week 3 days

My eyes fluttered open and last nights events flickered in with the light streaming through my blinds. I felt a heat next to me and knew it was her. I gently got off the bed and straighten out my pajamas. I ran my fingers through my hair and checked my breath. Rubbing her back I gently shook Ruby awake.

"Nooo." Ruby groaned. 

"Well. I was just asking if you wanted breakfast." My voice made her shoot up. She looked like a deer in the headlights. I realize that she didn't remember where she was. That waking up to my voice surprised her. She rubbed her forehead as if she had done something stupid. I knew what she was thinking.

"Shit." She mumbled under her breath. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She looked down and saw that she was still wearing pants and let out a sigh of relief.

"We didn't do anything you wouldn't see on TV." I saw the worry in her eyes.

"Yeah... It's coming back now."

"Yeah."

"Thank you for listening to me. Stopping when I asked you to."

"Of course, but you shouldn't have to thank me for doing that." I wonder if she trusts me. Usually when someone says stop they expect the person to stop. Did she not expect me to? I feel bad for making her not trust me.

"Well. I think I should be getting home now." 

"You told your parents you'd be home at noon. It's only 10. You have time. I think we should talk too." She didn't make eye contact. "You went to sleep after your shower." I continued. She looked down and away. I could tell she wasn't happy with what happened. "Are you okay Ruby? After you said to stop I didn't go any further. We didn't do anything. I understand it being weird considering we were angry at each other. However, you can't expect to ignore what happened."

"Right. But what were we thinking?"

"I'm not sure. I don't know what you want me to tell you."

"Are we still angry at each other? Are we talking anymore? What are we. You're leaving in a few days!" She paused to look at the floor and take a deep breath. She continued with a small voice, "What have we done?" I could tell Ruby was starting to spiral. Her hands gripping her hair in fear.

"I don't know. I have no idea how any of this works. It would be easy to just be angry at each other and pretend this didn't happen. It would be easy to ignore each other and forget about all of this. But I know that I never will be able to and I doubt that you will."

"You don't even love me." She mumbled so I could just barley hear her.

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Xoxo
Plant Girl