Safe

Kick Ass

Possible trigger.

Back to School Count Down: 2 days

I spent all of yesterday labeling things, organizing, worrying, normal back to school stuff. I can't wait to get these first day jitters out of my system. 

I spent all today watching Netflix. I couldn't resist. Maybe I'll take a walk before going to bed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"SKY! WHY AREN'T YOU UP YET?! YOU'LL MISS THE BUS!"

"Mom?" 

"Sky, please, I have to go to work. Get up and get a move on!" 

"Mom! I can't get out of my bed. I feel like I'm being held down by an elephant!"

"Well duh, sweetie! Look at yourself!"

Looking down I couldn't even see my feet. Just rolls upon rolls of fat. I began to cry. 

"Mom, when did I become like this?"

"When you ate that doughnut. You disgusting cow! No daughter of mine looks like you!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up in tears. Sobbing. I ran to the bathroom and blew my nose. I turned on the light and while waiting for my eyes to adjust I put my hands around my waist. My forefingers touched but my thumbs didn't. I looked in the mirror and could see my collarbones and my last two ribs. But my thighs touched at the top. It's disgusting. I wanted to cry all over again. I collapsed on the tile floor of the bathroom and held my head in my hands. Slowly I fell out of consciousness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back to School Count Down: 1 day

I woke up on the bathroom floor. I remembered my dream, my feeling and the crying. All at once. I got up and washed my face with cold water. I went back to my room and laid back down. After a couple minutes of fake sleeping my dad walked in. He gently kissed my temple and rubbed my shoulder. He whispered good morning in my ear and that he loves me. He does this every morning and I wouldn't know what to do if he stopped doing it.

I waited till he left my room to open my eyes. I pulled myself out of bed and changed clothes. Wearing black jean shorts and a red and black crop top I went down stairs to make some cereal. I pulled the rice puffs off the shelf and poured them in too a bowl along with some milk. Just as I was putting the milk away, Alister came in, took my cereal and walked into the living room to watch comics. I was too tired to argue with him. From the kitchen I heard him complaining that I eat fake cereal and that there should be noticeable sugar. I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn't see and made another bowl of cereal. I joined my big brother on the couch. We sat in silence together watching cartoons. My mind was too busy racing to even process what was on the TV. A commercial came on and Alister turned to me. He looked me in the eyes and said "Are you nervous for tomorrow?"

"Duh." Was my only response.

"I'm not."

"You're school doesn't start for a week."

"I know, but I'm saying I'm not nervous for you. You're strong, smart, and possibly one of the bravest people I know. There's no way you should be scared. You're going to kick ass."

Looking at the sincerity on his face gave me more comfort that a fortune teller could have.

"Thanks, Al."

We smiled at each other then turned back to the TV.