Safe

Haze

Moving to New Hampshire Count Down: 2 weeks 3 days'

It's Thursday. I haven't gone to school all week. I haven't talk to Ruby since Saturday. I feel bad for what happened between us. And I hate to leave the situation unresolved. However, it's also partially her fault, and I don't see why I have to be the bigger person just because I can't say three words. That's bullshit.

We've already packed the living room, dining room, basement and the non-essentials of the bathroom and bedrooms. The house looks so much bigger, filled with boxes. The walls are bare, the carpets are up. It's as if no one ever lived here, no memories were made here, nothing happened here. It's interesting how stripping a house of all of it accessories strips away the memories. My brother cried yesterday. He said it felt like his life was being moved somewhere else. I don't know why he said that, that's exactly what's happening.

Today I did nothing. I've been laying in bed all day. I heard my dad downstairs doing something. And I heard my brother moving around in his room. But today's been a very quiet day. It's already noon and I'm still in my pajamas. I've been scrolling through Instagram and Twitter. I'm too emotionally worn out to do anything today. Suddenly there was a text notification on my screen, from Calum. I didn't answer it. I didn't even look at it. I just wanted to pretend like none of them exist. That nothing outside of these four walls exists. As if staying here long enough, this room will be floating, not attached to anything. That none of my memories will be attached to anyone else. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Moving to New Hampshire Count Down: 2 weeks

The past three days went by in a blur. They ran together. They're a haze of the Office, Instagram and popcorn. I don't mind. This feeling is helping to disassociate me from reality. I like it, not feeling as if I'm part of society. Not feeling as if I'm leaving a group of people behind. Just moving to a different place. Maybe I'll continue this, faking myself out, pretending that they are real when I get to New Hampshire. I've always been distant from people. But now, it's as if people don't even exist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ruby, sweetheart?" My dad knocked on the door and slowly stuck his head into the room. "You haven't eaten real food in four days. Are you feeling well?"

"I'm fine." I muttered. I didn't want him to ruin my haze. "Seriously, dad. I'm fine." I raised my eyebrows and made the face that means seriously, leave me alone. I didn't want to be sassy to my dad, but it just kind of happened. I felt kind of guilty, but my life is in chaos. He can forgive me for this one thing.

"Okay. I'm going to Kroger. Do you need anything?"

"No." 

"Okay. Bye."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alister:  You okay?

Sky:   Can you not walk to my room? You have to text me??

Alister:  Sorry... I just was wondering how you're doing.

Sky:   I'm FUCKING FINE!!! Jesus. What the fuck is with you people? Do you know how many times I've said I'm fine today? Leave me the shit alone!

Alister:  Fuck. Sorry for caring.  Also, Calum said he texted you. Why didn't you answer?

Sky:  I didn't feel like it ??

Alister:   Well, I would read it if I were you. But, that's just me. Anyway, I'll leave you alone. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maybe I should read Calum's text. I don't really want to. What if I have to respond to it? I suppose it wouldn't hurt to just read it.

Calum:   Hey. So I noticed you and Ruby were hanging out a lot. But she changed. She starting hanging out with that awful friend group again. I just thought you should know. She re-dyed her hair blonde, and got extensions. She's wearing dresses again. I went to talk to her. I could see the hurt in her eyes when I asked her about you. I'm not sure what happened between you two, but she's obviously hurting. I don't know who's in the wrong. I don't know any of the story. I'm just letting you know what I saw.

Shit. Damnit. My haze is officially ruined.