Amnesty | Book 4

f o u r

TERENY
After what seemed like one of the longest days, I checked the time to see that it was going on seven o'clock.

    Walking into the house that Bruce and I shared...it was like walking into another time zone. The house represented happiness and peace. I took my time decorating this house. And this house was a representation of my love for my family. It was so beautiful. And it was like seeing it for the first time considering that it was actually clean from top to bottom.

    The house is usually a mess, trying to watch after two bad kids and keep your love alive. All I could do was smile at all the good times that were shared in the house as I looked around.

    My luggage was weighing heavy on my arm so I walked up the stairs and into the bedroom. I cut the light on and looked around, seeing that it was not at all how Bruce and I left it before going to Georgia. Instead, the room was all put together and as clean as it was before when I first moved in.

    Although things were neatly placed, it didn't really feel like home to me. It felt like someone else's home. Like this house was better without me in it. But I knew that it could only be the negative voices saying that to me and forcing me to believe it. They were telling me already that Bruce doesn't love me. And maybe he doesn't.

    I had decided that I would go outside and take out Bruce's suitcase of clothes since he couldn't do any heavy lifting. Bruce was tending to the sleepy children and getting them situated for bed as I did so.

    I brought the clothes upstairs and started unpacking and putting clothes in the dirty hamper to wash them. Something told me that I wasn't going to be getting much sleep tonight.

    Moments later, I could hear Bruce come into the bedroom quietly. He walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. I sighed, feeling unwanted again. Dr. Yow told me about feeling this way, but I couldn't help it.

    My husband hasn't even kissed me since he's seen me and we hadn't seen each other in days. But it's like he was tired of me and we've only been around each other for a few hours. I just couldn't ignore the fact that our love didn't feel strong as it used to be. But you would think my experience would've brought us closer. But what it seems to have done was tear us completely apart. Not to mention him losing his best friend. A woman who was so dear to him. He probably blames himself. I know how he is.

    I heard the toilet flush and water being ran in the sink. Afterwards, Bruce walked out of the bathroom and stood at the door, watching me. I didn't bother to say anything to him. Instead, I just continued doing what I was doing. Pretending not to pay him any attention when all I really was doing was paying him attention.

    The silence was starting to bother me, but what else was I supposed to say when all he was doing was watching me prepare the laundry?

    "You didn't have to unpack tonight. I would've gotten around to it in the morning." He said to me. I looked at him and then looked back at what I was doing.

    "I'm not going to get much sleep tonight so I wanna stay busy." I admit.

    I put the last of the dirty clothes into the hamper and grabbed the hamper, getting ready to walk it downstairs into the washing room until Bruce met me at the door and touched my hand. I stopped walking and looked at him and his blank expression.

    "Tereny, we really need to talk." He said to me, prying the hamper from my hands. "Come here." He grabbed my hand and intertwined it with his, walking me over to the bed, sitting me down. He sat down next to me and looked down at the floor.

    "I'm just going to start by saying that I'm sorry how I acted towards you earlier. It's just that not being able to know what really happened to you that day, it's just bothering me. I thought you would have told me what happened. And I get you don't want to talk about it, but I'm your husband. It's my right to know." I stared deeply into him, trying to find my words to speak, but the voices were taking over my head.