Path to Deciduous (Sequel to Road to Evergreen) | #Wattys2018

f o u r t y - f o u r

For I cast my shadow and I am alone
But the taste she provided, feels bitterly intone

I am dancing with my shadow
No longer coming to life
She said you need to know
I'm quickest with the knife

I drop it as I rub my arms. I feel disgusted. The floor cracks under my feet as I pace around. Finally, I give up and shower, turning my skin red as I rub the dirt away. When I'm done, I return to the notebook.

Between, the days of grief, the days of tears
I want to ask you, to stand on your feet
Shatter the void, shatter the voice
You've been strong for too long
It's time to let go

None of them are worth it
None of them understand your body like I do
The heart you banned, as you turned blue

You're cold, my darling, radiate the heat
It will be all over soon, hold on tight

I flip the page as I try not to read so deeply into his lyrics.

I'm in this house and I've walked the halls
I see your pictures of us on the walls
I wonder why they're not torn down
Cause when you said it's over, My life turned around

My heart hit the ground
I couldn't make a sound
Cause I can't hear, I can't breath
But I did break down
Cause you're my doctor, my nurse, my every verse

You were with me when I first got hurt

More scribbled lines of ink are shown all over. I randomly pick to read at first.

Oh the book of life, the news I've scribbled
Stories and fairytales, the life I've crippled
I write my heart on your papers, asking you what's going on
Alot of names, visitors and friends
That tugged at my hems
Some I don't remember their face,
Some that stayed in place

Today I stand here, recalling my deeds with you
Do you think there's still enough papers left in you?
Is this road going to go further than we knew?
It's time to call quits my love,

Yes, I know
It's been a fairytale for me, too

I flip again.

They fell from the bridge above
Until their hearts stopped time
She collided with an embrace
Of what life will be giving away
She broke into a spell
That casted him to evergreen
He remembers telling her that

Her voice is a melody
Her eyes are a blessing
Her lips are an inescapable gravity
Her heartbeat is the only voice
He cares to listen to
He cares to listen to
He cares to listen to

But now she is gone
After everything he's done
After all the time he shattered in place
After all the scars he got, for picking himself up
But won't she come back

Come back to him, darling

I slam it shut as my tears fall on the leather cover. It appears as if yesterday I heard it in the bar. As if yesterday was the day I knew it was his brother. It feels so long ago.

A knock on the door spokes me as Kyan enters. He changed into a pair of trousers and a chemise. Bruises cover his face and I immediately apologize for Adam's actions. I can read the worry all over his face which only makes me more ashamed of my actions earlier. "I'm sorry," my voice comes out as a whisper.

He sits beside me on the bed. "Promise me you will never do such a stupid act again," he says with a serious poker face. I nod. He sighs in return.

"What time is it?" I ask.

He checks his phone. "Almost noon." I wait for him to go on, to tell me what happened next.

"He left and I don't know where he went to. But if his mind functions the same way as any other man, he'd be drinking the night away or destroying everything."

"Let him, then," I say and to my surprise, I actually mean it. Kyan arches his eyebrow skeptically. "He finally found me but that was after three months. I told him I will be waiting for him, and when he saw us, he immediately deduced the only bad thing. I could tell how low he thought of me. So, let him. He's better off without me." I fake a smile.

Kyan doesn't say anything but when he do, I'm fully blown away. "Lesley?"

I nod.

"I love you. There's nothing that I wish for right now but to actually be with you. For you to be all to myself and only. Although, your heart belongs to someone else, I won't stand as an obstacle. If there's even a little hope between you and I, there should be closure because one day, he will hop back in, and it will return to square one." I didn't even know I was holding my breath until I wheezed for air. "I see the way he looks at you, and I hate it because that's how I look at you, too. I'm tired of seeing you get hurt over and over again. He's unhealthy for you, but you're unhealthy for me." He leans closer and plants a kiss on my cheek as my eyes involuntarily shut. He sighs and steps away. "He's at the Prince bar down at Moritz Street."

Before leaving he stops and turns to me. "Learn to protect yourself before anyone else, because no one will."