Armani
"Do you resent me for missing 10 years of your life?" I asked Sierre.
He was tying his shoes, but when I said that, he looked up at me.
"What does that mean?" he asked,
"Do you hate me for leaving?" I questioned.
"No." he said.
"You can say yes. I'm not gon get mad" I said.
"I didn't hate you, I hated how you weren't there when I needed you. I just missed you a lot. It hurt that I couldn't see you everyday, and it really hurt to see mom cry." he started tying his shoes again.
"Sometimes I hate myself for fucking up the way I did. I hate myself for a lot of shit." I said. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you Sierre."
"It's coo." he said, nonchalantly.
I nodded and watched him leave before sitting back on the couch, looking at nothing in particular.
I don't feel like I'm the same person anymore. When I was around Moriah, I started to think about a lot of shit, some of it pissed me off to the point where all this hate is starting to build up and I would talk to Desiree about it, but I don't want to. I'd rather just hold it all in and keep it going.
I didn't know where Desiree went, but the fact that she left when she knows I'm not physically or emotionally stable, is making me mad.
She's always abandoning me. I'll never know why she does it.
My phone started vibrating, breaking me out of my thoughts.
I picked it up without looking at the caller I.D.
"Are you good?" Desiree asked,
"Yeah" I said.
"Good. I'm about to kill Moriah. You want to watch?"
"Yeah, where you at?"
"Imma text you. I love you." she said.
I hung up without saying it back and slid my phone into the pocket of my joggers. I grabbed a fresh bank roll of hundreds and put that in my pocket also, before putting a jacket on.
*
I was sitting in the chair next to Desiree, who was admiring the machete in her hands. I looked over at Moriah and a small smile appeared on her face.
What she said the other day really fucked with my head. I can feel myself changing because of it.
"How you want me to do it?" Desiree asked me.
I tuned every thing out and laid my head on the table.
"Do you know what it feels like to be in love with someone who doesn't love you back?" Moriah snapped.
I continued to stare at her, as she cried. She pushed back her tears and chuckled, "You really think Desiree loves you? All the shit she did to you, just wasn't right. If you were with me, I wouldn't of did any of it."
"But you don't know her like I do." I said.
"No, she doesn't know you like I do. She doesn't deserve you, at all." she said.
"Why you always gotta talk about her tho? I've known her since I was 17 Moriah. Our relationship may be fucked, but I love her." I said.
"But does she love you?" Moriah asked,
I sat up straight and rubbed my eyes before staring at Moriah for a couple seconds. I then averted my eyes to Desiree, "Jus do whatever you want" I said.
