Please, Just Leave Me To Die *Narry Storan*

21

21

Yeah, again sorry for the super late update! I’ve got exams coming up, as I said before… so yeah, enjoy the chapter!

Ps, follow me on Instagram? I follow back! @Bands_Get_Me_Through_It

~

Harry’s POV

I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know what he was going to say or when he was going to say it. After he sat me down on his bed he silently left the bedroom and make me a cup of tea to try and calm me down a bit, he made it perfectly as well. Two sugars and a dash of milk, just the way I like it.

“Thanks” I muttered as I brought the mug of steaming liquid up to my lips, blowing it gently with my breath and taking a small sip.

“It’s the least I could do Haz” Niall forced a smile in my direction as he rummaged through his dresser until he came across a clean pair of boxers, sweat pants and long sleeve t-shirt.

I pulled the cold, damp towel away from my body and handed it to Niall. I sat on his bed fully naked until he handed me the clothes to change into. For once in my life though, I didn’t actually care. He’d seen everything I’d had to hide, he’d touched every private part of me and he knew about everything now. I didn’t have anything left to hide from him which he hadn’t seen before. I’m surprised I’d actually sat there in the nude, I’d let my guards down slightly. More like Niall tore them down slowly but I’d like to think that I’d still had some sort of barrier up which was protecting me from the outside world. I don’t know why, I just felt safer that way. I felt like I had more protection even though it was complete bullshit and I was slowly destroying myself.

Even with the new, warm clothes over my body, it continued to shiver. I think it was nerves and anxiety more than feeling cold. Niall seemed to notice and pulled me under his duvet. We were basically spooning, me being the small spoon but I didn’t mind at all. I needed this type of support right now.

For some reason, even though he probably knew I already did this to myself, I expected him to blow up in my face with either anger, disappointment or a thousand questions, asking me ‘why’ and ‘why don’t I get professional help?’

I didn’t need professional help; I just needed somebody to talk to.

“I thought you’d stop” Niall muttered into my neck.

“What?”

“After being put in the hospital, I thought it’d make you think about what you’re doing and stop.”

“It isn’t that simple Ni” I sighed.

“How so?” his question wasn’t rude or demanding or even pressuring. His voice was calm and caring and he seemed legitimately curious to why it wasn’t.

“It’s an addiction Niall. Like an alcoholic with wine or a drug addict with Heroine. With cutting there is no escaping. You try to throw the razors out to sever the cravings. Nothing works – nothing you’ve tried. You fear that the craving will return and eat you alive so you just give up trying.” I didn’t even realise I’d been crying until Niall used his thumb pad to brush the salty liquid off of my cheek.

“You really gave me a fright you know?”

“When?” I looked up to him, his blue eyes were glossy and tears were threatening to flow.

“As I entered the hospital and walked down to your room, I saw you lying there, peacefully sleeping. You looked happy. But then I noticed your wrists and how the bandages were stained red. I sat down beside you, and I saw all of your scars covering your arm, and then I realised how many times you needed someone, and how many times, that I was not there.”

I wiped a tear from both my face and his. “You didn’t know, you’ve only just moved here”

“I still feel guilty.”

“I’m sorry”

“What for?” Niall pulled me closer to his chest.

“For dragging you into this huge mess of which is my life. I’m sorry for everything I’ve caused you to go through. I’m sorry for making you wait in the hospital for days on end, I’m sorry for disgusting you with my body and I’m sorry you had to see the ugliness of which is my body” I couldn’t even look him in the eye anymore; I was too ashamed of myself.

Who could love an ugly freak like me?

“Harry please don’t say those things about yourself, it breaks my heart.” He pulled me into his chest so I was facing him. “You might not be perfect Haz but you sure as hell are for me. I chose to stay at the hospital because I wanted to and you’re most definitely not disgusting or ugly. You’re not a freak or fucked up or insane, you just have problems and you’re in need of someone to talk to.” He kissed the top of my head before getting up and walking over to his desk draw.

He pulled out an old looking phone and charger and handed them to me before lying back down on the bed and pulling me into his chest once again. “If you ever feel like harming yourself again, please just call or text me. I’ll be straight over and we’ll get through this, baby steps at a time.”

“Thank you” I muttered, I didn’t fully trust my voice.

“Stop thanking me, you deserve so much more than you have” he kissed the top of my head.

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to act. I didn’t know how to respond.

I can tell you one thing though; I burst straight into tears while Niall held me until they finally stopped and his pillow was flooded with my tears. He didn’t seem to mind though; he just held me tighter and continued to kiss my temple as he rocked me gently.

This boy was an angel sent from heaven.