Are We Out Of The Woods Yet?(A Taylor Swift Adoption Story)

Stress

Amara's POV:

Its been exactly two days since we landed in Nashville.

In those two days so much has happened and I'm now curled up in a closet trying to process exactly what's going on. It's actually quite amusing how Taylor kept talking about Nashville like it was this sacred place but nothing's really changed from New York other than the scenery. I act like I love it here though, for Taylor's sake.

Its been forty eight hours since I met my tutor and got my first textbooks and homework assignment. She's very sweet and absolutely nothing like how I imagined she would be. This is the only expected thing that has happened.

It's been thirty eight hours since Taylor told me about her business trip and I secretly had a panic attack right after.

Thirty seven hours since I pulled yet another all-nighter because of stress.

Twenty three hours since I finally processed how I would survive those two weeks without Taylor and brought myself back to normal.

Ten hours since Maxine told Taylor she would be transferring to Nashville in the same two weeks Taylor would be gone and Taylor flipped out at her.

Eight hours since I first heard Taylor break down and cry; which in turn caused another (secret) panic attack.

And it's been an hour since Maxine arrived at the apartment to tell us that the Syria trip I had agreed to go on would be in four weeks. I would be departing back to Syria in four weeks for the CIA mission. You can only imagine how everyone took this news. I've been left alone as of now while Maxine and Taylor battle it out downstairs.

I probably should talk about why I picked a closet as a place to think.

Well, I'm in a closet for two reasons:

One because it's dark and I can cry in peace and two because its directly above the living room downstairs where Maxine, Taylor, Tree, Austin, Adam,Taylor's lawyer, the CIA lawyer, and Taylor's parents are discussing the Syria trip.

If I lean my ear against the floor I can catch snippets of the conversation and try to get a feel for what's going on. So far all that I've heard is a whole bunch of back and forth screaming. I've never hated Maxine more than I do in this instant. Yesterday I saw Taylor; calm, rational and level headed Taylor break down and cry because of the tension and it killed me. Then Maxine decides to make everything worse by showing up in Nashville and upsetting Taylor even more with the Syria trip news. I consider Taylor my rock and no one hurts my best friend and gets away with it.

As soon as Maxine announced how soon the Syria trip would be I was in shock. I vaguely remember turning and sprinting up the stairs because I was afraid I was about to break down in tears. Its been an hour since they all started talking and they haven't stopped yet. I've run out of tears to cry and I've successfully managed to avoid a full blown anxiety attack.

Yes I agreed to going back to Syria,yes I signed the paperwork.

I just didn't expect it all to happen too soon.

A lot has happened to Syria since the first meeting I had with Maxine. The terrorist presence has gotten much stronger and so have the extremity of the attacks carried out on my small country. In the limited computer time I've had I was able to continually check up on what's going on and to my dismay it's gotten worse.. way worse.

My hometown was confirmed to be occupied by terrorists the same day Taylor told me she was leaving for two weeks for a business trip and my world literally fell apart. Zitan, the town I remember for its beautiful buildings and farmland had been adorned with the black flags of extremists. Taylor, my best friend and caretaker was leaving me for two weeks and for two weeks I wouldn't have anyone to go to if I had nightmares or bad thoughts about Syria.

For the first time in the week I've been with Taylor I thought about my dad. My dad was a topic I rarely allowed myself to think on because it would inevitably lead to a panic attack. I hadn't seen him in a week and three days and I had repressed the memories so far into the back of my mind that I was having trouble remembering everything. How was he and did he miss me as much as I missed him? As much as I loved Taylor and the attention I'd gotten in the past few weeks, there was no one on earth who got me better than dad. Leaning my head against the wall I imagine what he would say if he were here right now and my entire mood changes.

He always told me that the best way to get what you wanted was to not show emotion. Showing emotion basically let your opposer win.

My dad was never the affectionate type. Hugs, smiles, and kisses from him were extremely rare. By doing that he taught his only daughter to be tough and strong and self sufficient.

He never was one to sugarcoat anything either and he never held anything back from me. I remember being five and asking where my cousin was. It was unknown to me at the time, but he had been killed in a car accident. Although my mom tried to change the topic when I brung him up, my dad told me straight up what had happened and refused to let me cry over it. I miss my dad and I fear I've gone too soft.

With that in mind I brush off my tears fiercely and stand up. Unlocking the closet I turn to the mirror in the corner of the room.

"My name is Amara Patel and I am strong and capable and independent and I will get through this"

I let my voice resonate because I know that no one will hear me. They all are too engrossed in what's going on downstairs to pay attention to the little voice coming from upstairs. I am strong and sufficient and capable and I have the power to choose what I do. I made an ingenious plan to get into the meeting they had without me last time, but now I'm sitting here like a baby and crying in a closet?

I can almost see my dad shaking his head in shame.

I face the mirror again and gaze at my reflection. Teary eyed Amara has been replaced by a face of pure strength and determination.

It's time to head downstairs and join that meeting.