Pain

Stupidity

        I've made a mistake. Jace didn't deserve my anger. I was being an idiot, but now that the people I love are starting to dwindle I wonder if I'll be able to gain his forgiveness. He's probably the only person I can trust with the truth, because for some strange reason I know that he won't just go and tell. I know that he'll protect the people I love. I don't know how I know these things, but I can't get them out of my head. For some strange reason I know that they're true. I'm going to have to apologize to him. Ugh! I hate apologizing!

        As I'm thinking I don't pay much attention as to what's going on around me. Honestly I could care less now. Everyone avoids me like the plague and honestly it's probably better that way. Anyways if I am going to apologize it's not going to be here. I'll just have to go see him at his apartment after school. As I sit down for my next class I notice that everyone is pointedly NOT looking at me for some reason. I wonder what it is this time, oh well they can bite my booty! I glance to my right only to notice that Ashley is surrounded by all of her other friends. But we both know that she can't really relate to any of them. We were always each others best friends from the very beginning. Her eyes are still reddish, her clothes askew, and I can tell that she hasn't slept. The longer I look at her though the more it feels like I'm going to cry myself , and the harder it gets to keep from throwing myself at her feet and asking for her forgiveness.

She looks up and inwardly I cringe. I can't let her see that I'm missing her just as much as she is me though so instead I roll my eyes, and look away to the front of the room. The teacher is just sitting there looking like he doesn't have a clue what to do with us. It's going to be a long day.

        After school I'm one of the first ones out the door. I don't have enough money for a taxi, but I do need some exercise so I decide I'll just go ahead and walk. It's not that far away anyways. Have you ever just retreated into yourself and when you came to you were just like, "When did I get here?"

        Well that's pretty much what happened when I found myself what felt like 2 seconds later standing in front of apartment 3B. Hopefully he's actually here. Knock on the door and fully prepared to wait, it doesn't take as long as I'd expected because the door swings open just as soon as I go to lean against it. Thankfully before I can fall on my face I catch myself on the doorway. When I glance up I realze I'm holding my breath. He looks at me as if he doesn't give a crap I'm there, which lets face it he probably doesn't.

        "Hi," I whisper.

        Gosh I sound like such a dork! Still he doesn't say anything just looks at me. Hesitatingly I clear my throat, and begin again. "I wanted to talk to you. I need to say that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have flipped out on you, you didn't deserve that. I also wanted to say thanks. If it weren't for you I don't know how long I would have been stuck in that kind of state.-" he still won't say anything, but-wait, did his eyes just soften a bit? I keep going,

        "The last time I shut down like that it was when my dad died. And when that guys arms went around me, when they were teasing me I guess I just sort of hit an overload and shut down. So again I'm sorry......and thanks....."

        It gets awkwardly quiet as I wait for him to say something. He just stares at me. As I start to fidget uncomfortably under his gaze, humor fills his features. I can tell that he's fighting off a smile and I inwardly release a sigh. He's going to forgive me.

        "I want you to repeat after me," he says.

        My eyebrows furrow in confusion and I stare up at him in a huh? kind of expression. He suppresses his grin and explains further.