Pain

Betrayal

        Looking Ashley in the eye I wait. After a while she gets the idea and  begins to talk.

         "What's wrong? I heard about what happened in class, and I can't believe it. I am so sorry! I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me? I could've helped you. Don't worry I won't let anyone make fun of y-"

        "I don't want your help," I cut her off mid-sentence and even though I almost whisper the words I know everyone heard. It's gone dead silent in the hallway, all eyes on us. I see the confusion and hurt on her face, but I know this has to be done. "I don't want your help, and I never have. So you can stop pretending that you care. Because we both know that it's not true."

        She stares at me with her mouth open in a little "O".  She covers her mouth, and after a couple seconds she recovers, and takes a step forward.

        "You know that isn't true! I care! I care about you Emma! How can you say that?"

        I look in her pain filled eyes, my face made of stone as a say,

        "Quit lying to everyone. I mean really it's starting to be pathetic. I know how you must feel. You can't leave me, because I'm the broken girl. Because it would be mean, and everyone would think bad about you. Well I'm saving you the trouble."

        She gasps and takes a step back as if I've physically punched her in the gut. I can see the betrayed look on her face, the pain in her eyes, and it's almost to much to take. The little sliver of hope that's still there let's me know that if we keep up like this she'll never be able to move on. I'll hold her back, and that's not what she deserves. I can't do that to her. So I steel myself again, and begin to laugh a cruel laugh as the tears start to go down her face.

        "Oh, now you're going to cry? Poor baby! I'm so sorry!" I roll my eyes for a dramatic effect, and keep going as I feel another part of me start to die. "Honestly Ashley, how long did you think you could keep up the act? I've felt the change since day one. I know that everything's different now, and it's never going to be the same. We both know it. I'm just the one whose going to save you some time."

        Walking past her I don't stop until I'm at the doors of the school, with one hand on the knob. I turn my head back enough so I can barely see her still standing where I left her. Except she's facing me now the tears plain as day on her face, and I know that I've succeeded. What little hope she had had about everything being fine has died.

        It's still dead quiet, and for this brief moment I forget about everyone in between me and my best friend. All I want to do is run up to her, hug her, and ask her to forgive me. But I know that I can't because if I do, everything will come out, and I will ruin her. So instead i whisper, "Goodbye Ash," and I walk away.

        I know she could hear me, and I know that I've just saved her. Telling myself that I had to do it,  doesn't stop my heart from ripping into pieces as I walk away from my best friend in what will probably be forever; and it doesn't stop the silent tears streaming down my face that she'll never get to see.