Losing Control

Chapter Seventeen

I blinked slowly as I tried to adjust to the sunlight filtering through the tiny window. My head hurt. I sat up on my bed, realising where I was and what had happened. Looking around at my trashed motel room sent shivers down my spine. Cooper.

Did that really happen? Did I come that close to killing my own flesh and blood? Did I really let him go after vowing I would get my revenge? I couldn't make sense of anything that was going on in my life right now. It was all too much. All too overwhelming.

I jumped as a frantic banging echoed inside the cramped room. I knew it was Harrison. I didn't even have to look. I held my head in my hands as I listened to his frantic pleas.

"Noah, let me in. Please. If you are freaked out about what we did last night, it's OK . We can talk it through. Just let me in."

His voice sounded tense, urgent. I sighed as I realised he had no idea what had went on. He had no idea about my showdown with Cooper. I couldn't take this out on him. How could he even think for a minute that I was shut in this room ignoring the world because of what happened between us last night. Last night had been the best night of my life. I didn't want him to doubt that. I moved my bed away from the door and opened it, gasping as Harrison flung himself into my arms.

I hugged him back as he squeezed me tight. As he showered me with kisses, I knew I was safe. He cupped my face with his hands, his piercing blue eyes furious as he studied my face.

"You need to stop this, do you hear? You have to quit running away. How many times are we going to go through this Noah? Why aren't you at college?"

I couldn't help the smirk that appeared on my face.

"I should ask you the same question. You are the teacher so it's way more important that you show up in class than me showing up. What's your excuse?"

He didn't look amused. He let go of me and collapsed onto my bed, running his hands through his perfectly styled hair. I sat next to him, picking at a stitch on my jeans.

"I don't give a shit about teaching those classes unless you are there, don't you understand that? Yes, it has been my job, my life even for all these years.....but now you are out of that hell hole, now you are here....with me, that is all that matters. I can't be anywhere without you now. When are you going to take me seriously Noah? When are you going to accept in that stupid brain of yours that I am here for the long haul and that I'm not going anywhere? I will be giving up everything for you, so naturally I'm going to freak out when you decide to just not show up."

His words moved me. I shakily put my hand on his back and rubbed it gently. I couldn't change over-night, I still wasn't sure on this whole being gentle and affectionate thing.

"I'm sorry White."

He didn't look at me, He still sat there with his head in his hands. I wasn't used to him being so quiet. It was unnerving me.

"Harrison, look at me."

I moved my hand from his back now and rested it gently on his knee. He turned to gaze at me, his usually sparkly eyes full of sorrow and pain.

"I don't.... I won't ever regret last night. I don't know how you could even think that. I'm sorry I didn't turn up for class, I just got overwhelmed. I'm still learning, you know? Still trying to adjust to everything that is happening. I needed a bit of time to think about things, but last night was the best thing that has ever happened to me." I squeezed his knee gently. His expression was less strained as I spoke. "I'm trying not to run, but I'm going to have my moments. It doesn't mean that I don't care about you."

Harrison exhaled and placed his hand over the top of mine. I squirmed under his gaze. I knew what he was looking for. He was looking for the truth and whether I cared about him or not, I didn't quite feel ready to give him it.