Losing Control

Chapter Twelve

I thought the game was over.

When I walked out of Harrison's house that night, I was certain that everything was done between us. I had just told him that I drove a man to suicide. I had just let him know that I was a monster. It turned out that he didn't scare easily. I didn't even make it to the bottom of his pathway before I felt his strong arm on mine, pulling me back into the house.

I tried to struggle away from his grip, but he was stronger than he looked. Of course, I could have hurt him. I could have really hurt him to get him off me. But just as I had known since the moment I met him, I would never be able to hurt him. No matter how much he infuriated me or invaded my personal space, I would never be able to raise a hand to him.

I was cursing as he dragged me back into his house. He slammed the front door behind us and leaned against it, blocking my exit. His arms were folded across his chest as he searched my face. I scowled, not happy to be back in his house. All I had wanted to do was walk away from him now he knew what I was capable of. But he obviously had other ideas.

"You know Noah, you are the worst tough guy I have ever stumbled across throughout my whole career. You are terrible at acting bad."

I raised an eyebrow, shocked by his words.

"Excuse me?"

I couldn't help but let my eyes drift to his arms. He really did have amazing arms. They were hot. He was hot. And I hated the way he made me feel. I had no right to be happy in anyone's company. I tried to concentrate on his face, but he knew as well as I did that I couldn't stop checking him out, even when I was in the midst of anger.

"That story you just told before trying to run away, it was cute."

I laughed out loud now, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Cute? Fucking cute? You are the strangest person I have ever met White, and I've spent the last twelve years locked up with complete crazies. You must be worse than the criminals I know if you think a man dying at my hands is cute."

Harrison rolled his eyes and sighed, unfolding his arms and shoving his hands in his pant pockets. I was almost positive he did it deliberately. My eyes followed his hands, and of course, lingered at his crotch. I shook my head again and made myself look up at his face. He had a small smile on his lips. He knew exactly what was going on in my mind.

"And you are the most dramatic person I have ever known. A man died at your hands ? Really? Get a grip Noah. I know who you are talking about. If this happened ten years into your stretch, then you must be talking about Todd."

I tried to hide the shock on my face as he spoke the name. He looked smug as he saw my reaction.

"You must have a really bad memory or something. Did you forget that I have spent the last decade working with the prison? I know about everyone and everything that went on. We were all sad when Todd died. He seemed relatively nice compared to others who were put in that place, and yes.... He shouldn't have been put into such a hardened prison for the crime he committed. But, the fact that you think you drove him to suicide is laughable. You are so naive."

I looked down at my shoes, my breathing heavy as I tried to come to terms with Harrison knowing exactly who I was talking about.

"You have a really bad habit of insulting me White. I would quit it if I was you."

I made myself look back up at him. He was still leaning against the front door, obviously concerned that I was going to bolt out again. And as soon as he moved, I would be. I didn't want to be here.

"And you have a bad habit of insulting my intelligence. Like I said, you are naïve. The fact that you think you drove Todd to suicide is so stupid. He was messed up Noah. He did have a wife and daughters yes. And it was a tragedy when he killed himself. But what you don't know is that he had suffered from depression from years. He had tried to kill himself six times. Six times Noah. All different ways. He was in and out of the mental health units from a young age. When he had children with his wife, he was kept a close eye on because of his history. There were never any worries there though, he loved those girls. When he started the fraud with his Dad, it was clear he had stopped taking his medication. And that is how he ended up where he was. Of course there was huge debate over why he was sent to a prison rather than the mental health unit, but what's done is done. You didn't drive Todd to suicide. He had been trying to kill himself for years. He was ill Noah, and he didn't get the help he needed. You didn't kill him."