Bittersweet

21

"I do not." I say in disgust. But I don't. I can't.

"Really, you'll lie to me now?" He lets out a pathetic laugh and brushes his hair back.

Why are my eyes getting watery, no Esme, don't cry. Especially over a guy.

I can't love him, I just can't.

"Shit, you're crying." He curses under his breath and pulls me into his chest. "Shh, I'm sorry, I'm being a dick."

"No you're not, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for stringing you on but the only reason I did that is because I don't want to hurt you or loose you again. You mean too much to me, and honestly, I can't manage a boyfriend right now." My heart speaks.

I wish I could love him the way he does me, but I don't want to just use him.

"My plan was to tell you that I don't think I'm in love, love with you." He says out with a long sigh. "Well, the lady on the plane made me believe I don't."

"So now you aren't in love with me?" I question with confusion and a hint of disappointment in my tone. Well, that's fast.

"No, it's not like there's a switch I can turn off and on, but I don't think that we're meant to be. I mean, if we were, it would've worked out years ago."

"So we're on the same page...finally?" I say with way too much hope.

He chuckles lightly and nods his head, sitting on the bench inches away from us. Weight lifted off my shoulder as I took the available spot near him and sighed again.

"So you're heading back to California I presume."

"Actually, I was just gonna find a hotel to stay at. My buddies there kindly took care of the extra furniture that had to be sent over, but they kind of had too since they had debt to me. Maybe I'll just visit the folks and hang out there for awhile, but I don't want to be a hassle." He explains.

"Or you can stay with me? I have a guest bedroom and it's going to be lonely without my fave couple to bother." I try to joke but I'm so tired, my corky jokes are lagging with my jet lag.

"Really? You sure it won't be weird especially being us?" He attempts at a joke and my sleepiness causes me to giggle.

"If it does, I'm kicking you out!" I continue to laugh. "But seriously, I don't think it will. I'll help you search for an apartment too."

"Well thank you Es. I think it's time to get you home, we've both had a long day and it's only five pm."

Only? I swear I had just got off the plane and it was six in the morning when I did!?

We both get up and I follow him out as he calls us a taxi. It has been a long day and lack of pretty much everything. Explains why I've invited Harry to be my roommate because I'm the only stupid person who offers the guy who just yesterday said he was in love with you and just today say he isn't. I hope I didn't just put my friendship, or what ever is left of it, in jeopardy.

The taxi driver finishes putting his suitcases in the back and begins to drive the crazy New York traffic, but neither of us seem to mind. The sun's beginning to set and the view looks twice as beautiful as it looked earlier.

I set my legs across Harry's so I'm sort of lying down and he doesn't even flinch when I do so since he's so caught up in the scenery. I remember back in my office, watching him scribble intently on that paper and how amazing he looked. He looks the same, more tired a distraught with his ripped black jeans and white t-shirt that reminded me of how he used to dress during high school.

I used to make fun of him looking like a hipster dork but with today's version of "hipster", he fits the bill look wise and personality wise. I remember he was the kid who'd go to these city parties and clubs in high school, always hanging around older people. He's an old, wise soul, always ready for a good talk and always listening, grasping every word that left your mouth.

I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a part of me that wanted to be with him. That wanted to spend my Saturday's cuddled against him as he read to me. That wanted to come home hearing him singing old tunes at the top of his lungs as he cooked up a surprisingly delicious meal. It ached my heart knowing that I can't give him the love he deserved. I know there's a girl out there that's just perfect for him; who'll love him with every ounce of her being. That'll sing along with him and be just as dorky and cute as him. But sadly, I'm not that girl.

"You seriously need to stop staring at me, creep." He mumbles and smirks a ton.

I don't reply but I remove my feet off of him and sit up, still looking at him look out the window. I try to say something, anything for that matter, but the driver stops at my building and both him and Harry get out the car without a word.

I pay the driver quickly wise Harry struggles to get all his baggage together, the perfect timing to do it so he wouldn't fight me on it. I say thank you and the two of us head up to my apartment in silence.

The place is chilly when I unlock the door and it smelt like Chinese food that I left out on the kitchen island.

"The room is the third door to your right." I speak and it sounds foreign, like I was scared.

He doesn't say anything but follows my direction as I put the left over food in the fridge and find some linens for him to use.

"Here, you might want these, it gets pretty cold during this time."

He smiles warmly when taking it from me and I leave before anything else can be exchanged. Going into my own room, I'm praying that I didn't make a mistake in allowing him to stay with me. He could've just chilled at Fin and Zayn's but I just had to open my big mouth.

After changing out of my hideous sweats and into odd penguin pajama pants and a black v-neck, I hear the TV go on and it almost frightens me. It's only been ten minutes and I've already forgotten that I had a new roomie. I should just go to bed, save me from any awkwardness.

I decide against it and slowly walk into the living room where Harry's spread out across my couch in just pajama pants and he simply glances at me before turning his attention back to the TV. With the huge left over space on my couch, I choose to hit on top of Harry's legs and begin to trace over his tattoo's with my finger.

"Having fun?" He smiles, watching me trace the bird on his chest.

"Mhm." I smile back as I move on to the next bird.

Some time flies by when I'm finished tracing every tattoo, including the ones on his legs, and Harry's half asleep.

"I'm so sorry Harry." I whisper as I move off his feet. The guilt building up in me couldn't bare it anymore. You can tell I broke his heart and I knew it wasn't the first time. Now I've got him staying in my apartment with me, I'm sure it's killing him as much as it's killing me.

"I'm sorry too Esme."

(A/N: hey hey Heeeeeeeeeeeey. (:

Question(s) for this chapter: What do you think is happening back in England where everyone else is hanging out? & What do you think is gonna happen with Harry and Esme?COMMENT BELOOOOOOOOW :D

Then make sure to vote & tell your mom, your moms mom, and your moms moms mom about this story! Lol please don't that'd be weird.

Love you all, ox, Dee)