The virgin & the bad boy (Gravity)

Chapter 5/Interviewing reading lights (or robots)

The machines had their own internet called the internet of things. I always wondered what the internet of things had? Did it have a machine wikipedia or a machine Amazon, did it have a machine version of Reddit? What did machines chatter about? Did they complain about what the voltage was like or something? Was there a machine eBay? If so, what did they buy and sell? Did machines email each other? About what? Was there a machine Netflix? Was there machine pornography? A radio with half the cover suggestively unscrewed and partly removed perhaps? Did robots have their own youTube with animations of digital cats or something? I never knew.

"What about Jeeves?" I said stacking more glasses on the kitchen bar.

"The microwave Madam" said the robot.

"Really, I have microwave called Jeeves? What about Jennings?"

"It is with regret I must inform you that the name is already appropriated by the fridge Madam. The stationary white goods are notorious for grabbing all the best names first."

"Hmmm, isn't this the part where I say what should I call you? Do you have a name? And you read a book of baby names in a nano second and give yourself one" I said.

"Or you could use the name my previous owner used Madam."

"Which was?"

"Kentro Barika, Madam." said the Machine.

"Kentro that's a pretty bad name. I wonder what the most totally unsuitable name for a robot would be then?" I asked in an idol moment.

The robot paused for a second, it's mask clearly indicating some level of concentration.

"Hingle pop..." said the machine.

"Hingle pop?" I said.

"Hingle pop" said the machine "Any word which nearly means 'drop your pants' in four different languages isn't appropriate for someone of your standing Madam."

I had to admit he was right.

"OK, I'll go with Kentro." I said "Only because it sounds like a hip version of Keto. Are you sure no other household device has that name already, like the Hoover or possibly a light switch, a bin liner maybe?"

"No Madam, quite sure." said the Machine.

"OK, if you don't mind I'll call you Kentro, I like the notion of a ship name between Barbies' Ken and Introduction" I said. "But I will keep Higgle pop if it doesn't work"

"Certainly Madam" said Kentro.

The machine opened the curtains.

"Uh! Light No. Perhaps I've turned half vampire."

"The strength of sunlight is some 1.6 times brighter than on mars, Madam" Kentro said straightening.

"It is?" I said wondering the benefits of sharing a house with Wikipedia."Do you come with an instruction booklet or anything?" I asked.

"Unfortunately not madam, robots from Craigslist rarely do" Kentro admitted, while picking up more items. That explained a lot. Eventually its three hands were filled and it put its mask down to free up another hand. It walked around like a headless creature. "We will have to get by as best we can Madam."

"I'm sorry I've never had a robot before" I confessed. "The dark truth is we don't have any robots at home."

Even for Mars that made me sound rather trashy. I could pull trashy off if I had to you know, huge hoop earrings and chewing endlessly, but it wasn't me.

"Your mother's unfortunate Automatonophobia is on record Madam" said Kentro turning to me.

My mother just had to see a roomba and feel slightly sick. The way some machines moved was just slightly too human but not human enough. It was called the uncanny valley and it spooked her. Hanging around machines was a bit too 'Dead of Night' for her to stand. So from a young age I only saw robots on television, I thought they were all imaginary special effects, or men in suits.