you & i

thirty-five » awareness

dear infinity,

it was nice seeing you at graduation. i told you this earlier, but you looked really nice. you have a great sense of fashion, i guess.

what did you think of graduation? personally, i would have liked the speeches to be cut a little shorter because my friends and i had huge plans for after graduation, but they were all right. not the most interesting, but maybe that's because i just wanted to leave the ceremony.

i want to leave already. i want to experience life in a way i never have before. i want to study astronomy and dream about the stars and meet someone—anyone—who loves outer space as much as i do. that's why i'm studying in a university all the way across the country. it may be out of my comfort zone, but i think this change will be good for me. i'll have to adjust myself, and i'm hoping to become a better person because of that.

i hope you know that you made me a better person, finn. we might not talk to each other anymore, but i like to think that the time we spent together really has changed me for the better. it's definitely changed me for good, and i hope that's something you took away from our relationship as well.

i haven't thought about you and me much lately. i used to obsess over the idea of us to the point that my health was declining. that honestly created such a toxic environment for me that i think it spilled over into our relationship and the aftermath of the break-up.

i've come to terms with the fact that we tried and we didn't work and that's the end of it. there's no bitterness or desperation festering in my heart anymore. our problem is solved, and though the answer was not what i originally wanted, i know now that it is the correct one.

we were never meant to be. i made up fantasies in my head because i was literally a lovesick schoolboy. what else was i going to do when i thought i met the love of my life, besides fall hard and fall fast and fall to pieces? i've cleaned up the mess that was me by now—i've been doing all right for months now—and now our relationship is just a memory that will hopefully become a fond one over the years.

we may never meet again, and i don't think i'll mind. i know it may sound harsh to say that, but i've come to realize that we don't need to meet again because we've already done our part in each other's life. if we have nothing left to offer to each other, then seeing each other again, whether planned or completely by chance, will do nothing but dredge up memories of the past that are probably better left untouched.

so goodbye, finn. i hope you enjoy the rest of your life as much as i used to enjoy being in your presence.

sincerely,
beyond