you & i

nineteen » umbra

dear infinity,

i found an art museum in a nearby city that was opening for the first time for our date during the weekend. it was going to feature artists whose art is in a similar style to kandinsky's—yes, i did indeed remember that your favorite artist is kandinsky. the featured artists were even going to be given time to speak about their paintings and general art topics. i had also managed to reserve a table in a four-star restaurant two towns over. the restaurant would have been a perfect time and place to discuss our issues—a calm, quiet environment for us to calmly and quietly discuss anything.

i think our date would have gone well, too. however, you didn't even give me a chance to ask you out. instead, you squealed excitedly about yet another party and, when i began to protest, cut me off, telling me that we absolutely had to go to the party and that you would never forgive me if i dared to miss it. how could i say no to that?

i didn't enjoy it in the slightest, by the way. i had to give the tickets to the art museum to my sisters as well as the restaurant reservation so that my efforts weren't completely wasted. (i mean, they were on us, but my sisters at least had fun.) the house that the party was held in was too small for the large number of people who had attended. (we couldn't even go inside through the front door. the host had to set out tables of beer in the backyard, and we had to climb in through the windows of the, thankfully, one-story house to get into a bedroom.) the party was shut down much earlier than any of the others. (the neighbors called the cops only three hours after sundown.)

when did our interests divide like this? of course, you and i have never liked the exact same things, but we used to respect each other's likes and dislikes. i have recently begun to voice my thoughts about parties (sparingly, so as not to annoy you), yet you don't take any of my feelings into consideration.

i don't want to complain too much, though, which is why i haven't brought this up as a more serious issue. but it's hard, finn, to pretend like i am fine with this situation. i want—no, i need something to change soon. your partying is getting to be all too much, not just for me, but for yourself.

it's also frustrating to have to fend off the random drunk guys. i think they've multiplied in a short amount of time because i've lost track of how many times i've had to pull you away from a handsy guy trying to take advantage of your intoxicated, giggly state. i wish you would refrain from drinking so much alcohol as well. i'm afraid that you might just die of alcohol poisoning or some other complication with your liver. the human body simply isn't meant to consume as much alcohol as you do every time we attend a house party.

your brother also seems to be slightly concerned about the situation, but he appears to be more worried for our safety when we do sneak off to be alone rather than your recent partying habits. i had to assure him for a good half hour or so that we were being careful before he finally left me alone. perhaps he doesn't care because partying seems to run in the family.

he's been acting weird around me lately, actually. he's gotten over his initial wariness (though hostility may be a better term) and acts like he cares for me personally, not just as your boyfriend. i know i sound a bit skeptical and hesitant to believe it, but it is nice, not having to worry about pleasing your brother for his approval.

your family's approval is important to me because you are important to me. your importance in my life is why i am so frustrated about the whole situation because i know we can work this out. you just have to let me.

love,
beyond