The Boy in the Black Hoodie

Chapter Forty-Four

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

Carson's POV

I pushed aside the overwhelming feeling of depression and regret that was forming in my gut. Now was not the time for grieving. I could do that once we were safe and back in Germany. Not when we were trapped in an evil organization's headquarters full of people who'd give anything to slit my throat right here and now.

Besides, I couldn't let Darren see me so broken. No, I had to be strong for him. He needed me.

"Okay, Darren," I told the boy who was walking beside me. "I have to go back to check on Nolan and Xavier. We can exit after that. Sound good?"

He nodded, "Yeah."

"Sweet. Hey, Darren?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry about earlier. It was just a lot to deal with—"

"Carson," Darren warned.

"And I just kind of crumbled. I—"

"Carson," Darren said again.

"I mean, I know I should've been able to handle it, but—"

"Carson!" Darren said again, louder this time. "I don't even know how the heck you're still standing after everything that's gone on. And yet here you are apologizing to me. Man, you are the strongest person I know; but nobody in the world could ever go through what happened back there and be able to come out like everything was okay.  If I were you, I'd probably be ready to kill myself about now. You're crazy to think that you need to apologize for something that."

I was silent for a moment, my emotions too jumbled for my mind to even think about forming words. Darren's concerned face looked up at me, his eyes searching my own. I sighed inwardly. My eyes were what always made me cave. No matter how much control I had over the rest of my body, they openly displayed all the feelings I tried so hard to keep locked away.

"You're hurting," Darren whispered. "And you've always been hurting. You're just good at disguising the pain."

Damn. He was good at this. I flitted my eyes downwards to prevent him from getting any deeper.

"We should probably get going," I said.

"Are you sure?" Darren asked, doubt lacing his words.

"Yeah," I nodded. He still seemed unconvinced. "It helps get my mind off things. Trust me."

Darren shook his head. For a minute I thought he might question me again, but thankfully he just slapped me on the shoulder.

"Okay, man. If it's what you need, then we'll go with it."

I breathed a sigh of relief, "Thanks."

He nodded, "Yeah,"

We continued down the hallway, our footsteps echoing throughout the empty floor. It was like a maze to find the staircase. Enter a room through one door, leave out of another, turn right at this point, left at the next. We would've gotten lost had I not wound my way through the place for more days than one could imagine.

"I don't understand the way your brain works," Darren commented as we finally entered the staircase. "It's like you can...God, I don't know."

I laughed as we descended the steps, "I'm really sucky at explanations, but I guess I could give it a go."

The edge of Darren's mouth twitched upwards. I took that as a sign to continue. 

"See for me, my brain and my mind are two different parts of me altogether. My brain moves my body. It uses my serious side, my analytical thinking side. The part of me that can plot a rescue or think up a way to get through a crowd of enemies without hurting a single one, now that's my brain. My mind, it moves my soul. It triggers that deep-feeling area of my gut where I store all the emotions my brain managed to kick out. My mind can access those emotions...and lock them away just as easily. I just can't keep them locked away for too long, though. If I do, they'll worm their way into my brain. Once they get up there, God forbid, there's no telling what could happen."