The doctors discharged me a week ago.
With Ripley gone, everything is so hard. I've lost everything i loved .
Ripley's gone. She was the only reason i'm still alive but she's gone now. Gone forever.
I see her in my dreams, she's so beautiful but it isn't real.
She promised me she wouldn't leave but she left. But i remind myself that it wasn't really her who promised, i made it all up in my mind.
Ripley died on the 1 October 2016. She died from a cardiac arrest due to stress to her heart from binging and purging.
She got her wish, she wanted to die and now she's dead. I wish i could turn back time and prevent all of this from happening. I could've helped her earlier and she'd still alive now.
But that's not possible. I miss her so much. I miss her soft silver hair brushing her shoulders and her sweet smile. She never smiled much but when she did, oh god she was so beautiful. Was. Because she's dead. She left me here alone. How could she?
When i was a little boy, my mom used to tell me "Do good things and good things will come you way."
When i was a toddler, My dad told me, "Stay in school and get good grades. Use that head of yours."
When i was in grade school, my grandma told me,"Share your colour pencils and you will have many friends"
When I started junior high, my cousin told me, "don't break a girl's heart. They are delicate"
When I got to high school, my father screamed, "Never do drugs or smoke weed, it will ruin you forever"
Mum, dad, grandma, cousin, I never broke a single rule, I did what you told me,
I was kind, I shared, I stayed in school, I never broke a girl's heart, i never did drugs.
Even though i listened closely, And did what you asked of me, I never was quite good enough, so this is it for me.
I look down. The water is so beautiful, it's calm and blue.
The drop is high but that is exactly what i need. Every single day of my life since the past five years has been filled with pain and suffering. If that is how my entire life will be like, I don't want it.
This is it. No more pain.
I look down again. I could be dead in seconds.
I whispered, 'if i jump, let me sink.'
In the matter of seconds, I'll just be a memory.
When it feels scary to jump, that's exactly when you jump, otherwise you end up staying at the same place your life. And that i can't do.
"I love you mom, I love you dad. I love you so much Ripley."
I looked up at the sky and whispered, "I'm sorry." Then, I jumped.
