Where did the real me go?

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I try to make you notice me

The good things about me

Not the bad things

I wanna leave a good impression on you

I don't wanna imprint into your mind

That's I'm a horrible person

That I don't have a heart

Or feelings

I smile just to show that I'm ok

but I'm not

The minute I cry you accuse of such insignificant things

Why can't I just cry because I'm sad?

I wanna be happy

I wanna laugh without faking it

I wanna show you all the true me

but you keep putting me down

Making my confidence weaken

Until there's nothing left

What am I suppose to do?

I wanna show you the real me

I try and I try

but you don't notice

What can I do?

To show you the true me?

I truly want to be happy

I want to let go of the past

and look forward to the future

but you won't let me

You continue to remind me of mistakes

You stab me deeply in the back

You talk about me as if I wasn't there

Am I that invisible?

Am I not worthy of your praise?

I try to show you the good in me

but you won't acknowledge it

You won't even smile at me

I act like I'm happy

A smile always on my face

but when I'm alone

All of my emotions break free

I don't like to show you my tears

Because I feel so vulnerable

I feel insignificant

I want to feel important

As if I was part of the family

What can I do?

To make you see the true me?

I think of suicide

I think of picking up that blade and slicing my wrist

but I can't do it

I won't show you that I'm weak

but mostly I won't do it

Because I can't do it

I'm afraid

I'd rather be a doormat

Than hurting myself

It's not worth it...

I don't know what to do anymore

I'm so confused

Lost and Alone

And I hate it

I want to know what I want

I want to make my own decisions

I don't want to give in to your demands

The important thing is that I tried

Isn't that what counts the most?

Poems of '08 - '09Where stories live. Discover now