Let Me Go [Sequel to Lost, Hopeless, and Destroyed]

Chapter 39

"Oh my god! That's great!"

"Yeah.." She mumbles.

"So what's the problem?"

"Uhh- I said no."

"What?" I frown. "Why baby?"

"Because..." She sighs. "I'm not good enough!" She blurts out.

"What are you talking about Autumn. You're perfect." I tell her.

"No I'm not. I'm a mess. I'm not good enough for him. He will want to start a family. And I'm so insecure I will have a breakdown because of it. I'm just weak. He deserves better Em."

"Hun, you are an amazing person. And you two are perfect for each other. Okay? And he deserves you and you deserve him."

"That's not how I feel though."

"That's because you have just started recovery. It's gonna take time. And I promise It will all be worth it."

"Yeah, I guess."

"You are still eating, right?"

"Yeah. But-"

"You're still self harming." I finish for her.

"Please don't tell anyone!" She begs.

"But Autumn-"

"But nothing! It's the only thing I have to cope. At least I'm eating and keeping it down."

"I know babe, and I'm really glad you are, but hurting yourself isn't healthy either."

"At least it won't kill me."

"It can." I imply.

"But it won't."

"Autumn, you don't know that. What if one day you go to far-"

"Emily, just trust me okay."

I sigh. "Alright. I won't tell anyone. But if you ever feel like doing it, please talk to me, okay?"

"Okay Em. Thank you."

"Of course hun. Now what about Zach?"

"Um- I don't know..."

"Do you want to marry him?" I ask.

"Of course I do, but I just don't feel like I would be enough for him. Or that I wouldn't make him happy enough."

"Oh Autumn... you have no idea."

"What?"

"Girl, Zach is always telling me how much he loves you and wants to be with you. He needs you in his life. He talks about you like I've never heard anyone talk about anyone, ever. He's in love with you. I can see it in his eyes. And when he looks at you."

"Really? You think so? You don't think he's disappointed or fed up with me?"

"No, I don't. Whatever problems you both face, you both will work through together."

"Hmm, I think you're right Em." 

I smile.

The front pages are your pictures,
They make you look so small,
How could someone not miss you at all?

(Oh-ah-oh)

I never would mistreat ya,
Oh I’m not a criminal,
I speak a different language but I still hear your call.

Diana,
Let me be the one to light a fire inside you child,
You could love me, you don’t even know me,
But I can feel you crying,
Diana,
Let me be the one to lift your heart up and save your life,
I don’t think you even realize baby you’ll be saving mine.

Diana

It’s only been four months but,
You’ve fallen down so far,
How could someone mislead you at all?

(Oh-ah-oh)

I wanna reach out for you,
I wanna break these walls,
I speak a different language but I still hear you call.

Diana,
Let me be the one to light a fire inside you child,
You could love me, you don’t even know me,
But I can feel you crying,
Diana,
Let me be the one to lift your heart up and save your life,
I don’t think you even realize baby you’ll be saving mine.

We all need something,
This can’t be over now,
If I could hold you,
Swear I’d never put you down.

Diana,
Let me be the one to light a fire inside you child,
You could love me, you don’t even know me,
But I can feel you crying,
Diana,
Let me be the one to lift your heart up and save your life,
I don’t think you even realize baby you’ll be saving mine.

(Oh-ah-oh)
Diana,
(Oh-ah-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Diana,
Baby you’d be saving mine,
(Oh-ah-oh)
Diana,
(Oh-ah-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Diana,
Baby you’d be saving mine.

"So what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to see him and tell him yes. I want him to know that I love him with all my heart and I want to marry him."

"That's it girl!" I cheer! "You need a ride over to his place?"

"That would be great." She says. "Thanks for everything Em. You're the best."

"Anything for you hun." I said and we leave out the door.

----

*Autumn's POV*

"I just hope he's not mad at me and still wants to marry me." I say, nervous.

"Trust me, he still will. He loves you."

I nod and take a deep breath. I get out of the car and Emily said for me to call her if I need a ride home.

I thank her and I go up to the door and knock.

I wait.

After about a minute no one answers. 

I know where a spare key is. I grab it and unlock the door.

I head up to his room, nervous and anxious as fuck.

I open the door and look around. He's not here.

But I also notice something else. A lot of his clothes are gone.

Hm..

I then hear someone open the front door from downstairs.

I go down to check it out.

It's his dad.

"Autumn, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, I'm sorry for coming in uninvited, I was just looking for Zach, and no one answered the door, so i just used the spare key."

"It's fine love. You're basically family. But I'm afraid to tell you he's not here." Louis frowns.

"Oh, okay. Um, do you know when he will be back?"

"Umm, darling.." He pauses. "I'm afraid he's not coming back for awhile."

"Wait, what do you mean?" I ask, scared.

"Autumn, he- he left to California, in America. I'm sorry."

My heart shattered in that very second.

This can't be happening.

"Did he say anything before he left?" I choke out.

Louis sighed. "He told me to tell you that he's sorry that he wasn't good enough for you, and that he hopes one day you find the right guy and he makes you as happy as you made him."

"Thank you Louis." I say and storm out of the house, running home.

I start crying as I ran out of the house. Not being able to control my sobs.

I can't believe this. It's all my fault.

If only I wouldn't had always thought of the negative things, or the things that could go wrong.

I couldn't have just listened to my heart, no. I had to listen to my stupid head.

Like I always do.

I see some woods up ahead, I run into there.

I find a nice spot and sit on a large rock.

I'm pretty far in now.

I continue to cry as I pull out my old friend that was still in my sweater pocket from last night.

Damage control time.

Just like always...