Vermilion

Chapter 22

1 March 1814

She stared at the image on the mirror as Ana styled her fair hair and fixed her gown. If there was something she wanted at the time, it was solitude. This ball was for them, according to Simon, but she did not feel the need to mingle with the guests especially when she knew that the sharp eyes of her father would be just around. And there might be another pair of eyes...

She had prayed hard that whoever that man please let him not come. Although it seemed impossible, she relied to the mercy of God she was believing in just now. That prayer was long and hard in thought that He would hear better of her mortification and pleading. Seeing or knowing that might be beyond what she could withstand.

Flashes of frightful memories began flooding her mind. Her image in the mirror was replaced by that one evening with the snow falling from the dark sky. The lights of the hanging lamps on the trees. Herself wearing a mask and a cloak. Herself walking on the white path. Herself being seized then smashed down. The blow on her stomach. The heavy hands holding her down. The ripping.

"No!"

"Oh my child, what's the matter?" Ana asked.

Her tears began to fall and she eventually sobbed with her hands closing her face. Ana's voice continued to ask what was wrong but she could not answer her back for the tears and fear conquered her.

"I don't want to go." Reaching for Ana, she buried her face on her chest and cried.

A knock on the door jolted her back into the present. Ana nodded to her and moved to answer the door. She kept herself sitting with her back facing the door so that no one could see her ravaged countenance. The tears she had shed were being mopped up by the white linen she found on the table.

The low voices of her brothers were unintelligible but she knew they were Simon and Lucas. There had been insisting from them but Ana, being the oldest in their household, held them off. There were things that she could not just tell them and right now she is thankful that Ana was there.

At last the door creaked closed and Ana came back to her side.

"There are things that couldn't be resolved without help. All these sudden changes on you made your brothers very worried. Upset. Remember that we're all here to help you no matter what," Ana's words reached down to her as she nodded.

"I know."

"Then why don't you talk to us?" Matthew's voice startled her. She swiveled to see him and found that he was standing by the closed door of her room, in perfect earshot. "Or to anyone of us. Miranda, you're making this harder than how it really is."

"You don't understand."

"Then tell me. Make me understand you... Ana," Matthew said then gestured to the old woman with is head. Ana bowed then moved to the door, stepping out. She caught a glimpse of Simon and Lucas standing outside of her door.

She did not move on her seat. With her head low, she rubbed the linen she held. She tried to compose herself as much as her throbbing heart would allow. Her tears were welling up again as her oldest brother took a stool and sat opposite her. She looked up to him.

Matthew was a hard person. Hard in a way that when he made a decision it was final. He may not look like it but he was someone who was soft-hearted. She used to use that to have what she wanted. He was also a fashionable man. Always neat-looking with brushed back fair hair. They share the same hair color.

What she saw right now was the oldest brother she needed the most. His gray-tinted blue eyes assured her of protection and comfort. Understanding.

"Miranda, help us help you. Talk with us. What is it that's troubling you all these time?" he asked gently.