Burn

Chapter 23

"Do you know how much it hurt to have my god damn arm burnt off?! Do you know how much it fucking sucked throwing up everything I ate?! I needed someone. You're the only person that's ever loved me. You and Declan are the people I love most in the world and you took yourselves away from me! Elisa, I can't think of you without hating myself. You're beautiful, and it's making me psychotic. If I can't get one person to stay with me and love me, how the hell can I love myself?"

She looked at me, shocked. Obviously she didn't know how to respond.

"Patrick, I love you too. We have a kid together. Are you really not going to take me back?" she pleaded.

"Elisa, I love you. We have a kid together. Did you really leave me? And take our kid with you?" I retorted.

She hesitated before saying, "Patrick, you're the love of my life. I--"

"Then why did you leave me?"

She stared at me, sadness blooming in her eyes.

I could tell she was telling the truth, she did regret leaving me. And she wanted me back with all her heart. But could I forgive her? Could I stop the part of my mind that's hating myself every time I look at her? Could I forgive her?

"Listen, Lis, I--" I began.

She put her hand up to her chest, as if she was in pain. Her face scrunched up. "P-Patrick," she said quietly.

"Elisa? What are you trying to pull?" I said.

"I--I'm not," she whispered, then collapsed to the ground.

I ran into her side. She was curled in a ball, clutching her chest. "Elisa, what hurts? Oh my god!"

She had her eyes shut tight and tears were falling. "Ch-chest," she said quietly.

I took my phone out of my pocket and called 911. Elisa's hand ghosted to my unmoving hand and held it tightly.

"911, what is your emergency?" a female voice through the speaker asked.

"My... My wife. She just collapsed and her chest hurts. Please help," I said, desperate.

"Does she have a pulse? Is she breathing?" they asked.

"Yes, yes! Just send an ambulance, please," I begged.

"Okay sir. We have your location. An ambulance will be there soon."

"Elisa, baby?" I said, grabbing her hand.

I turned her over and saw that she was unconscious. Oh my god, is she dead?

I put two fingers to her neck and felt a dull heartbeat. Thank god.

I stood up and rushed to Declan's room. He was asleep and I hated waking him up, I know he would start screaming. I rubbed his arm before picking him up. Surprisingly, he didn't wake up. Yet.

I ran back to the living room and rushed to Elisa's side. I heard sirens in the distance, praying that they would get here quicker.

Finally, I heard a loud knock at the door. I ran to the noise and opened it. "In the living room," I stated, and the paramedics rushed passed me.

Declan had woken up from all the commotion and now he was bawling, screaming his little head off. I tried to sooth him, but he kept screaming.

"Mama! Mama!" he kept saying.

Even my own son didn't love me. I wasn't good enough for him.

I rushed back to the living room, carrying the screaming Declan in my arms. The paramedics were leaning over Elisa.

They carried her onto a stretcher and wheeled her outside. I went up to one of the men and said, "Can you tell me what's wrong with her?"

He shook his head. "We'll have to find out more. Is there anything we should know?"

"I-I don't know. We haven't really...been together these past couple weeks," I responded quietly.

He looked at me for a moment and nodded. "Do you want to ride in the ambulance? If you do, quiet that kid down."

I nodded and finally, after a moment, Declan fell asleep again. I stepped up into the ambulance, watching  as they poked Elisa with needles and put an oxygen mask over her face.

I could only sit aside and watch as they inspected her. One of them asked me, "Do you know anything that could have caused this?"

I shrugged. "I guess she's been under a lot of stress these past couple weeks. Other than that, I don't know anything. Like I said, we haven't been together."

They glanced at me with judging eyes before going back to hovering over Elisa.

God, if this is because of stress, it's all my fault. I did this to her.

Why the fuck am I so hopeless?