Chapter 19

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Patrick P.O.V.

"Patrick?"

I turned around and saw my beautiful (ex) wife.

This woman left me. She wrote a note while I was temporarily dead. She made me sneak out of the hospital while I was gravely ill and get drunk.

And I still love her.

"Elisa, I-"

"What are you doing here?" she intergected.

"I-uh-I'm staying with Pete for a while. I came to pick up some things," I almost whispered.

I took a close look at her. I saw the redness around her eyes, the dried tear tracks on her cheeks, the smudged eyeliner.

She's been crying.

Why? Why would she be crying? She left me.

I set Declan down and walked passed Elisa to our bedroom. I grabbed a bag from my closet and started throwing clothes into it.

"Patrick, what are you doing?" I heard Elisa ask from behind me.

"You don't want me. I'll be out as quickly as possible," I said, not turning around to look her in the eyes.

"But, Patrick, I do want you. I was scared of losing you. I was scared of getting hurt. But you're okay now. I mean, not totally better, but you're alive. Baby, I want you back."

I froze.

My arm stopped throwing random shit into the bag and I turned around. "Elisa, do you know what I did after you left?"

She shook her head, confused.

"I woke up and I thought I would be able to hug my wife. To hold my son. But I woke up to an envelope with this in it."

I pulled her wedding ring out of my back pocket.

"Elisa, you want to know what I did? I pulled the needles out of my arm and the tube out of my stomach. I found a taxi and went to a bar,"

She gasped.

"Yeah, I went to a bar. I don't remember much after that. But I remember feeling worthless. I remember the thoughts in my head telling me to find a bridge and jump off of it. Joe found me passed out. They dragged me back to the hospital. I was there for another couple weeks and I didn't talk to anyone. I wrote. I wrote and wrote and wrote. Hell, I'm pretty sure I helped Brendon write a new single. I shut myself off from everyone. Because of you, El."

She looked at me sadly. I saw tears on her cheeks.

"Don't get me wrong," I continued. "I still love you. I wish you had never left. I wish I had never even gone into that fucking fire. But I can't turn back time. I can't make decisions for you. And I don't know if I can forgive you."

She let out a choked sob. "Patrick, oh honey, I'm so sorry. I-I didn't know."

She chuckled sadly. "You're the one the words. I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything," I said, zipping up the bag and throwing it over my useless arm.

I walked passed her again. I texted Pete that I was ready to be picked up as I was walking down the stairs.

Elisa ran after me frantically. She grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. "Patrick, please don't leave! I love you! I wish I never left! I regret it so much!"

I sighed and looked down.

Just then, thunder crackled and rain started falling. The lights flickered and Declan started screaming.

I ran to the living room and picked up Declan with my good arm. I whispered to him and rocked him back and forth, attempting to sooth him.

He eventually calmed down and fell asleep. I kissed his head and went to his room. I gently set him in his crib.

I walked to the living room and saw Pete's headlights through the window. Elisa was standing by the door. "You see, that's what I love about you. You're so good with Declan. He loves you, don't let him go."

"El, I love him too. But you won't let me. I do not want to let him go," I said, feeling tears prickling at my eyes.

She walked up to me and grabbed my jacket by the collar. "Then don't, take me back. Please, please forgive me."

I pushed her off and walked out the door. Rain soaked my hair and shirt. I walked towards Pete's car and heard Elisa following me.

"Patrick, please! Don't leave," she sobbed.

I stopped and turned around. I wiped a tear from her cheek, but another followed. The rain made it hard to tell if she was crying or not. But I knew her.

"El, please, just... let me think. I'll come over to see Dec in a few days. We'll talk it over then," I whispered in her ear.

I went back to Pete's car and grabbed the handle.

"Baby, come home!" she screamed.

I quickly got in the car and slammed the door.

Pete looked at me sympathetically and started to open his mouth. "Don't. Just drive," I said.

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