NINZ walked awkwardly and feigned that she got her period that is why she was feeling under the weather. Jans looked blissful and Ninz felt like crap. This was the most apart she has been to her bestfriend. She couldn't tell her about what happened. She couldn't tell her how she felt. The other Janes asked her if she was okay and offered their sympathies for her discomfort. But no one knew but him why she was not really into going into the water.
“Sip this.” Donghae overed her an over-sized cup that had soup in it. She didn't even look at him. She couldn't without wanting to throw up or bawl. “I'll leave so you can eat. Please eat something.” he sounded desperate and sad. She didn't care. She was neither one. She refused to be either one.
Jen sat next to her and began to tease her. “You know, the view over there is much better.” Ninz followed the direction that Jen was looking at and saw the Super Junior members taking pictures, cooking the barbeque and goofing around. Ninz saw Donghae looking at them, his arms crossed, his forehead frowning from trying to see without his sunglasses.
“Yeah...” was all she said. Jen took the cup and blew on it.
“Are you going to eat this?” she shook her head.
“I'm gonna eat it then.” Jen blew on a spoonful of soup. Ninz turned away. She didn't want to see the look on Donghae's face when Jen began to eat the soup.
Someone covered the sun. She looked up and saw Donghae with another cup of what might be soup. It smelled the same. “You don't have an excuse not to eat.”
He didn't move until she reached up for the cup. “It's hot.” he placed the cup on the table next to her chair. He took his white shirt off and use it to hold the cup by the bottom. “Eat and get your strength back.” he didn't smile but his eyes looked less worried when she reached for the cup.
She whispered a thank you and tried to blow on the soup. “Tsk. Give me that.” he held the cup on one hand and used the other hand to get a spoonful. He blew on it then tried to get her to open her mouth. “It's okay. You are not feeling well. Let me do this at least.”
Jen looked at Ninz but didn't say anything. The former tilted her head so Ninz would go ahead and open her mouth. She sighed and opened her mouth. “Much better. Another one.” Donghae kept feeding her. Jen didn't leave but didn't step in to help even when she finished her own soup. When all the soup was gone Donghae smiled and stood up. “I'll get you some water.” and walked towards the other members.
Jen giggled as soon as Donghae was out of earshot. “What the heck was that? Am I missing something?” Ninz shook her head and laid back, closing her eyes. “Fine. But as soon as you are feeling better, you are so going to spill. I'm going to go tell the others.” she stopped her by the arm.
“Don't. They'll just bug me. He's just being a nice friend.” Jen didn't look convinced but decided that Ninz would tell them eventually.
“Fine. I'll just go so you and your oppa can have some privacy.” Donghae was coming back with two glasses, one had water, the other looked like it had watermelon shake.
“Do want some?” he offered the watermelon shake first. She shook her head slightly. He gave her the glass of water and sat where Jen was sitting. He was looking at her and she had this wish to look away as she drank.
“I'm sorry for being such an ass.” he said soft enough so that only the two of them could hear it. Ninz looked at him and tsk-ed.
“I know you don't want to talk about it. And I think that...I respect that. But what if...something happens that is...I mean, I'll take responsibility if there is anything. Just...tell me. Don't think about the scandal or whatever. I would never back out of an obligation or whatever.”
“Look.” Ninz voice had a bite to it. “I don't want to talk about it because clearly it meant nothing to you. It meant something to me. It's a great memory for me. Excuse me if I don't want to keep it a secret forever. But for you sake, I will. I will forget that it was you who I was with. God knows I won't be able to tell anyone, least of all my very bestfriend. Because if I did, the chances that your friend would have to making things work with Jans would be slim to none. I know how to take one for the team. I don't want to be your girlfriend, or any idol's girlfriend. Because guys like you are way too preoccupied with what happens next than remembering how wonderful a moment ago was.” she didn't cry. Somehow, frost was forming around her heart.
Donghae was on the sand immediately after she finished. “But what if I do?”
“Do what?” she asked.
“Wanted what they have?” he held her hands inside his.
“Who has what?” she pulled her hands free of his grasp.
“Jans and Sungmin, together. Just like that. What if I wanted that?” he reached for her hands again. She couldn't free herself.
“It would make this dream a nightmare.” she said.
“So you think being with me would be a nightmarish experience?” now it was his turn to feel hurt.
“How many fans do you have?” she asked.
“A lot.” he didn't want to brag but he was probably one of the most famous endorsers in at least two countries.
“I can't compete with all of them. I told Jans she needs to share Sungmin to his fans. But I can't follow my own advice. I would be the most psychotic girlfriend known to man if I dated you.” she said matter-of-factly. “Just forget about it. Other women have lost their virginity to worse men.” he felt the catch in her voice.
Donghae wanted to take action but was afraid that she would get humiliated further. “If...anything comes up. Let me know...”
Don't count on it.
NINZ sighed when she remembered how he followed her around and tried to show his affection throughout the trip to Boracay. He spent the rest of his vacation in the Philippines with Sungmin. She didn't want to do it but she ended up getting paired with him since the new couple took couple tour trips and Jans' mom didn't want her to go with just Sungmin. Donghae acted like some kind of dotting boyfriend the whole time. She wanted to kick him every time he asked her to hold his hand so that he could help her up some mountain, get down from the car, or walk side by side with him.
She was feeling the same churning inside her stomach. During that time, every time she lost her footing, she found herself safely in his arms. What happened could have been forgotten if he did insist on taking up the oxygen from around her and cornering her in every chance possible.
“You have a very beautiful country. No wonder the people are so warm and amazing. If I lived in a country with this much beauty, I would never feel sad.” Donghae was smiling when he said that.
“Wrong. People are sad and life can be tragic even in paradise.” was all she said. He caught her by the arm and pulled her in an embrace.
She leaned back, maybe because she was tired of pushing him away.
“Whether you like it or not, I want to claim your heart. I love you and I can't do anything to undo it.” she sighed then felt him kiss her head. He turned her towards him. “I am going to repeat my question, would you want to be an idol's girlfriend?”
Ninz shook her head. Donghae's shoulders slumped. “You are too old to be called an idol.” then kissed him softly. Donghae pulled her to him and kissed her passionately.
“More.” Ninz blushed when he said that.
