T'was Arranged

♆Candor♆

"I can be the subject of your dreams
Your sickening desire
Don't you want to see a man up close
A Phoenix in the fire."
~ Bite, Troye Sivan

S a g e

Why didn't he kiss me? I pondered, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly as rain pelted the windshield. The steady patter was enough to lull me to sleep, but I couldn't give up the wheel after the argument I caused over who got to make the semi-long drive to Julianna's. Logan -- accusing me of not getting any sleep -- had demanded he drive, but I was uncharacteristically adamant. Maybe it was due to my slight frustration over the fact he was keeping his distance in a very un-Logan-like fashion when all I wanted was the human touch and interaction I'd been missing for the last few weeks.

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, hoping he wouldn't notice my shifted attention. His head rested against the glass pane of the window, soft sighs whispering out of his parted lips. Maybe I was so inflexible because he probably got the same amount of sleep as me. I clenched my jaw, hands gripping the wheel a little tighter and squeaking against the black leather.

Why did I want him to kiss me? I mean, how trashy can I get? I swallowed the lump in my throat, the burning nausea in my chest. The confusion of my feelings and the events that had changed me -- that changed both of us -- was enough to drive a person insane. I don't know how I survived this long. No, I do know how I survived. If Cameron and Celine hadn't stepped in...

I swallowed again, but it was too late. My hands were trembling, a tumultuous clash of feelings attacking my psych. Voices from the past surfaced.

"I never loved you, devil spawn."

"How could you lie to me?"

"Cut the bullshit, Sage. Not everything is about you. What about me? Who do I have left to trust?"

I clamped my eyes shut, wishing the images of their rage and disappointment to stop replaying in my mind. Get it together, Sage. You don't have time for this. I opened my eyes, grateful for the lack of vehicles on the road. Unconsciously my eyes wandered to Logan's sleeping form.

Without removing my gaze, I swiped my palm across the steering wheel, murmuring, "Sine motu."

I stepped off the gas pedal, the car continuing its decent independently. The rain was coming down harder now -- the road blurred by the puddles of water splashing across my line of sight. I brushed a still trembling hand down my face.

"Why didn't you just wake me up?" Logan asked, causing me to flinch and my heart to race. "Oh, shit. Sorry."

My right hand pressed against my chest, a sad attempt to calm my speeding pulse. "It's...okay. Um, I didn't want to wake you."

He sighed, "I never went to sleep."

"You were pretending to sleep? Why?" I questioned with an accusatory tone.

"That depends," he answered, a smile flitting across his features. "Were you watching me sleep?"

We stared at each other, Logan's grin growing more smug by the second. Blush burned at the base of my neck, but I refused to let him see. I waved my hand over the wheel and put my foot back on the gas pedal, diverting my attention.

"That's what I thought," Logan said. The satisfaction in his voice grated my nerves.

We sat in companionable silence for the duration of the drive; although, I could feel his eyes boring into my skull from that point on. By the time I reached Julianna's house the rain was coming down in torrents, pounding the roof and the windows like bullets. We sat, parked in her drive way for ten minutes before gathering the courage to make the short journey from the safe confines of my truck to her front door. When one of the twins opened the door Logan and I were soaked to the bone.