Can't Remember to Forget You

Chapter Eleven

Owen

I paused for only a second outside of her door before just walking in. If I spent too much time debating over what I was going to do I would probably end up backing out or saying I will just do it tomorrow.

When I walked in she was facing away from me and pulling a shirt down her body.

God, I should have knocked. I had only seen her bare back for a second but I was still slightly embarrassed that I had walked in on her changing.

She whipped around and her face was shocked to see me standing there.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just barged in." I apologized.

Her face softened a little and she walked over to sit on top of her bed. She was wearing a navy blue t-shirt and some black shorts. Her hair was much prettier now than before. Now that it had been washed and was dried, it was so bright and looked like it would feel like silk if you ran your hands through it. I think she must have put on some makeup too because I could hardly see any of the marks on her small face anymore. She looked almost normal now.

"Um, you can come in now you know." She said with a smile to her voice.

I realized I was still standing in the doorway.

"Oh, right." I said coming in and closing the door behind me.

I went to sit on the couch, but then stopped and came back toward the bed. I'm battling with myself. I wasn't sure if I should sit down or stand or what the hell I am supposed to do here. I haven't ever broken up with someone before, but I don't think you are supposed to make myself comfortable or anything first.

I decided on standing at the foot of the bed facing her. "Look," I said awkwardly running my hands through my hair. "I'm not really sure how to say this but..."

She cut me off. "It's alright." She smiled. "I forgive you."

"Wait, what?" I said beyond confused.

"I said I forgive you, no worries." She repeated again.

Now I was getting pissed. "What the hell do you have to forgive me for?"

Her smile went to a frown. "How about the way you acted last night?"

I laughed at her. "You have got to be kidding me."

She crossed her arms. "I am certainly not kidding." She said seriously. "You acted like a jerk last night."

"I told you I had to leave and you decided it was better for me to have a little slumber party with you!" I shot back.

She looked highly offended. "I was only trying to be nice." She said softly. "I didn't think it was going to be that big of a deal. You were obviously really tired and I didn't want to mess with you, or for you to get hurt trying to ride that thing out at night and impaired."

"God, you are such a pain." I told her. "Why do you even care what I do?"

She looked down at her bed in front of her. "I don't know." She mumbled. "I just...since we are dating...I just..."

This was all I could take. "I'm not your boyfriend Cassie." I shot out without meaning to. "We aren't dating."

Her eyes shot up to mine. "What are you talking about?" she asked. "You said..."

Damnit to hell.

What the fuck did I just say? Come on, damage control.

"What I mean is we aren't dating anymore." I said softer. I couldn't look at her face anymore, or those big sad eyes.

"You're breaking up with me?" she asked with a quiver in her voice.

Why did she have to sound so pitiful? This whole train is getting derailed at this point. "No, what I am saying is we already broke up."

I saw her bring her hands to cover her face out of the corner of my eye. I sat on the edge of the bed and tried to explain my lie. "Look, we hadn't been dating long." I said. "Only a couple weeks." I added. "We broke up a few days before your...accident."

"Then why did you come at all?"

I looked at the wall across the room. "How the hell was I supposed to know you weren't going to remember me?" I asked her. "I didn't want to be a total tool and not come see you." I stood back up and kicked at the ground some. I need to finish this where we don't have to see each other ever again. "If I had known, I wouldn't have bothered coming at all." I didn't dare look at her. I just walked to the door.

"That's it?" She called. "You're just going to leave, just like that?"

"I told you Cassie. I'm not your boyfriend."

I couldn't get out of the room fast enough. I didn't want to hear, or see her cry. I hoped that she wouldn't cry over me at all, but just in case I bolted as fast as possible.

This is why I don't have girlfriends. The whole institution of it is just fucked. There is no point when it always ends with someone getting hurt.

I feel like a total shit bag for doing it, but I didn't have any other options. I am really not her boyfriend. Pretending to be any longer would just be weird and crueler.

This is better.