Always..

Chapter V

Ashlyn's POV

Louis had left leaving me in this house alone again, I trotted upstairs turning off the light and climbing into bed pulling the covers to my waist as I just sat with my body leant against the headboard staring into darkness. My phone vibrated on the nightstand making me reach out to it holding it infront of my face eyes tingling at the brightness.

Louis- Goodnight Ash, see you tomorrow =) x

Me- Night Lou, thankyou again x

I plugged my phone back in leaving it there going back to my train of thoughts. I thought Louis would know why Niall hadn't made any effort to contact me I mean they were in a band meaning they'd spent a lot of time together and they were all nice boys. Something has changed in Ni and i'm not sure I like it, he seems more possesive and angry compared to how sweet and caring he was in all my memories. I desperatly craved my best friend back who would sneak over to my house just to hold me when I was upset or just to sit in his garden and talk about everything while watching the world go by.

But so much has happened. He left for 4 years not  making the slight effort to pick up a phone and contacting me, it hurt like hell to know he didn;t try that but even though he's back he doesn't have an explaination to why he did it. I know it's a bit cruel pretending to date Jake, someone he happens to dislike, just to piss him off for doing it to me with a girl I hated. I hate to supress my feelings for him whilst trying to get answers from his blonde braincells without talking to him. I don't know what i'm doing anymore.

I heard the same tapping at the window from earlier this evening when Louis came round, maybe he forgot something here? I don't remember seeing his phone left or anything. Throwing the covers off my body padding over to the window pulling it open pearing over the edge expecting to see Louis stood there but there was no-one. This isn't funny. I furrowed my eyebrows leaving the window open and walking over to my door opening it to look down the hallway, a rock was thrown through my open window hitting the floor making me jump. I think I nearly peed. I looked out into the alley again seeing nothing. I huffed picking up the rock seeing there was a note attached to it.

Ash,

Open the door please. I'm sorry:(

I threw it onto my bed debating on whether I should open the door to whoever it was, I reconised the writing but I just couldn't put a finger on it. Making my way to the stairs I listened out for any noises around. Cautiously creeping down the stairs I ended up infront of the front door, my right hand on the doorknob the other fiddling with the key. Pressing my ear against the door checking for any noises someone knocked on the door gently causing me to jump back. I breathed deeply un-locking the door and swinging it open.

Niall. The writing was Niall's and here he was stood his hair tousled a mess apon his head, a result of running his hand through it too much, his eyes wide and bloodshot searching my face and body. I probably looked a mess with his old shirt and my hair another story full of knots. I sucked in a breath before breaking the ice and saying something.

"Niall, what are you doing here?" My voice was quiet but audiable.

"Ashlyn, I-I'm sorry for earlier you know I shouldn't have blown up at you" He apologises hanging his head. I will me strong. My cheeks flush with heat when I remember the last thing I said before I got out of the car and stormed off. "I'm sorry for leaving you. For not coming back to explain why I left my best friend here while I became successful. I'm sorry for ignoring you during these four years at times when you needed me. I'm sorry Ashlyn, so sorry" He whispers. A few tears slip down my cheeks at his sweet apology but my mind tells me it isn't enough for what he did, that wasn't a proper explanation the one that I needed to be happy. I stay silent keeping my eyes trained to the floor. "Ashlyn please say something your killing me".

"I-I" I shut the door in his face locking it and running up the stairs crawling under the covers hugging my knees to my chest the tears soaking into my sheets as they pour down my face. I pull the covers around me hiding my face in the pillow falling asleep after hours of crying and wondering if I should regret slamming that door.

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"Honey come on get up" I stir pulling myself to sit up facing my mum. Oh no. Lecture time.

"Hmm, I'm up" I weakly smile rubbing my eyes wincing slightly.

"What's wrong, why have you been crying hun?" Mum questions hugging me, she's always tried to understand when I needed my best friend but it's different when it's your mum. I get up and walk to the shower in attempt to be alone.

"You know you can talk to me right just come to me if anythings wrong" She shouts after me, "I understand if you don't want to go to school today, just get some proper rest you're in no state to learn and concentrate hun"

"I love you mum" I smile to myself clambering into the shower and just sitting there for a while slowly working up to washing and shaving my legs and arms. The icy cold airs bites at my body when I step out in a rush to clothe myself in comfortable sweats to sit around in all day and sulk.

Making myself cosy on the sofa was a difficult task but I settled on watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show one of my all time favourites with some cookie dough my mum was intentionally going to bake cookies with but I got my hands on it first. Blanket covering my cold feet as it proved to be a dreary day I got into the film igoring the repeated 'ding' of my phone.

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Mum came home early to cuddle up with me and watch some more films. I opened up to her and she'd also grown close with Niall and his family but I knew she understood my point of view, my feelings about him leaving and suddenly showing back up again more possesive and trying to push his way into being my everything again and how I wouldn't let him, she said it was a good decision but that maybe I should sit and talk to him but I reminded her that would be giving in. But I don't think he understands how much things have changed. He's part of a desired boy band who are adored by a vast fandom who would happily tear my limbs apart to talk to him. Although put all that aside I crave the memories we had to happen again, I found myself craving the hugs and the forehead and cheek kisses, the morning and goodnight texts. We weren't even in a relationship but it felt like it- now all I craved was all that back and a label.