Let Sleeping Love Lie

Let Sleeping Love Lie - Part Two

The following week, I returned to the pub with a heavy, and incredibly guilty, heart. As soon as Will saw me, the disgust and disappointment was written all over his pale and resentful, face.
He used to look at me in such a beautiful way, that it left me feeling special; giddy and weak, that kind of special. Now, I was something so terribly tainted; he just looked right through me. To him, I was now soiled goods. To him, I no longer existed.

In that painful and sickening moment, I knew that we were forever over. Whatever 'we' once were, had now absolutely gone. Nothing I could say or do, would ever change that.
So I begrudgingly, carried on seeing Ed for a few more, saving face, weeks. Of course, his own interest had very much waned once he had smugly bedded me. It was only a matter of time before I would be permanently removed from his radar altogether. So my battered pride, made me end things first between us. It was about this time that Will stopped working at the pub. I then knew, I would never get the chance to say that I was sorry. I would never get the chance to apologise for my inexcusable actions.

Torturous weeks followed. I continued to think of him.
What was he doing?
Who was he with?
Did he still think of me?
I was never a person who wanted to regret a single thing, but with him, I regretted everything. I felt like I had this haunting, unfinished business, silently simmering away. Holding out for the moment that it would get its chance to finish what it had once started.

I wouldn't get that chance, until the Boxing Day Ball. At the very place, where 'we' first began.
I'd had a shit Christmas, and my Boxing Day was about to get a whole lot shitter. I'd been dragged out by my friends, who were trying to pull me from my, post-Will, hell hole. For him to actually be there, was a bitter pill to swallow. Nauseating and bitter, because he had a new girlfriend in tow. A girlfriend, who just so happened to like to drape herself all over him. It was like she was telling every single female in the room, that Will was hers.

I tried so hard not to look in their direction, but nevertheless, my eyes would frequently betray me. The brunette was possessively sat on his lap, her arms snaked right around his neck. It was sickening to see him laughing with someone else. Heated jealously ripped right through me, shredding me apart with every giggle and kiss that they both shared. Some self loathing was thrown in for good fucking measure, too. I knew that girl could have been me. That girl, should have been me!

There was only one time, did Will choose to look in my direction. He saved the indignant look, that I so cruelly threw him on that fateful night with Ed. He saved it, so that he could finally throw it right back at me... With piercing and soul-crushing force.
He peeped over the brunette's shoulder, smugly glaring back at me. All of his pent up anger and disappointment, suddenly came flying at me with one disdained, but precise, glance. I tried to hide my hurt but it was futile. I managed to hang around for a little while longer, but my humiliation was eventually too much to bear. Knowing that Will was still disgusted with me, I left with his disgust wrapped around my ashamed and sad self.
Walking home, my confidence was in complete tatters. My taunting mind, cursed me. I was all alone, left to lick my very raw, but totally deserved, wounds.
I thought that would be the last time that I saw him, but twelve years later, I would be forced to remember Will, once again.

***

I honestly think that fate thought it would be fun to taunt me, one final time... For old times sake. For, there I was; happily getting on with my life. When one nostalgic day, my silly thoughts began to wander off with distant memories of Will. My whimsical thoughts wondered what of him?
Did he marry or have any kids?
Did he follow that dream to do a degree in Engineering and Technology?
Was he happy?
All legitimate questions that a woman would ask about a man that she once fucked over. Stupid thoughts and questions, that I didn't deserve to own.