The Avestan Viewer -- A Wolf Love Story

Chapter 34 - Zeke's Execution

I just sighed and looked over at him, I simply didn't know what to say. "I have everything I could want, Stephen. I have you, my mate and my love, I have my beautiful boy, I have a pack I'm crazy about- I have everything I could want."

"But..." Stephen prompted.

"I don't know, Stephen."

"I killed Zeke." Stephen said without any lead up to the subject.

"Yes," I replied and looked back at the moon.

"You're bound to feel... something... about that," Stephen said still looking at me and putting Matt down in front of him.

"I wish you would have let me kill him in the village," I replied.

"That's not what we needed to show our pack, you know that. You weren't in control, Danika."

I was silent.

"Say it love," Stephen prompted.

I remained silent.

"You need to say it, we've gone through this before. You keep everything bottled up, and you need to admit the truth to yourself."

I looked over at my Mate, he had quickly become annoying. I blew out a breath, "I don't know what more I can say about it, Stephen. I wanted to kill the son-of-a-bitch with my own hands. I didn't want to let anyone else kill him. I wanted to be the one to kill him in cold blood, and I already admitted I had become a monster. What more do you want from me?"

Stephen kept looking at me with this dark intensity, his eyes were almost glittering in the moonlight.

"You know what else, Danika."

I sat up quickly, "God, Stephen, you keep saying this cryptic shit and I'm supposed to know what you're talking about."

Stephen reached out a hand and ran his fingers along my cheek, then put his hand on my shoulder.

"I know you, love, I hear you. I can feel this ongoing, aching pain that sits inside of you, I watch you try to pretend that everything's fine and you refuse to talk about it. Well I feel you damnit! So don't tell me you don't know what the problem is."

I felt the sudden stinging of my eyes and turned away from him, blinking my tears away. "It's my problem, Stephen."

Stephen dropped his hand and blew out a breath. "If you haven't figured it out by now, there's no 'you' or 'I' anymore, Mate. I feel you intensely. When I'm working I can feel you howling to the moon in distress. I try to give you your space, love, but you keep ignoring your pain. Only it's not just your pain, love, because I feel everything that you do. Most of the time I don't know where you start and I end, the lines, the boundaries are all blurry. When we sit together our heartbeats and breaths sync together. Our very pulses beat together, our rhythms connect in harmony."

Stephen smiled on one side of his face, "I need you to tell me why you have tears in your eyes."

I huffed out a breath and looked into the deep woods. I lifted my face to the moon and said a sarcastic internal 'thanks for the help' to the Goddess, and felt a tear run down my face.

I felt anger and knew it wasn't Stephen's fault. "Zeke pulled something from me, Stephen. It was a type of... rape... is how I feel about it. Like he knew so much more about me then I did, and he kept manipulating me to act how he wanted me to. He..." I stopped unable to continue.

Stephen reached out and took my hand and kissed my palm. I looked over to him as I felt the familiar tingles his touch always created, the current ran down my arm and to my core. God what that man did to me, every single time.