Forever & Always

Chapter 13

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, stunned practically to silence, but I mean, let's be honest, there are very few times I'm not armed with a sarcastic comment.

My father shrugged with a tiny nervous laugh. "Riley, I couldn't tell you if I tried."  He sighed, looked around the room for a minute. I assume he was waiting for me to say something else, but I was waiting on him to make the first move, so he shuffled for a little bit before saying anything else. 

If you had asked me how I felt about seeing my father at this moment, I wouldn't be able to give you one single word. It would be a mixture of a bunch of different things. Anger. Frustration. Confusion, for sure. But if there was a word that captured all of these emotions at the same time, then, yes, that's what I was feeling when he stepped into view that day. He looks a little disheveled in appearance overall. His eyes looked a little bloodshot, he hadn't shaved in a while apparently and his clothes looked kind of wrinkled, like he had shoved them hastily into a bag. His normally strong black hair was now starting to show signs of gray. A tiny part of me felt for him, seeing the man that practically raised me, but the other parts of me were drowning it out. 

Finally, he spoke up. "Riley, I know you're probably confused about why I'm here. I mean, what could I possibly want? Why would I come all the way down here?" 

He was missing some key expletive-laden points that I had going on through on a list in my head, but I let them go. I went to say something in response, but accidentally dropped my backpack, causing some books and things to spill out. Not the first impression I wanted to make in this conversation. 

My dad started to come over towards me. "Here, let me help," he started to say, but I held my hand up to make him stop coming any closer. 

"Don't come anywhere near me, okay?" I warned, waving at him to back away. Blood was rushing to my head quickly, anger boiling up inside of me. It didn't help that this whole thing was unexpected, because I wasn't thinking clearly when taken by surprise. 

Dad backed away slowly, I'm sure knowing this was going to happen when he came here. I stood up, replaced all of the things in my bag and squared up. This was the chance I wanted to say the things I didn't get to say. 

"You know," I snapped, "you have some real balls coming here. Why is it that I am always the one that has to find you, huh? I have to be the one to find you screwing your secretary, I have to be the one to come home and find that you have brought your troubles across state lines. Lucky me! I never got to thank you, by the way, for simultaneously fucking up my life, while you were fucking your employees! It's been a real trip, Dad, really, you've done a bang up job." 

My dad recoiled, but jumped back fast, trying to get a word in edgewise. "Riley, I can explain-", but once again I cut him off. 

"I'm sure you can explain!" I yelled. "I am sure that you can come up with some bullshit reason for why it was acceptable that you took your secretary to bed and ended up screwing your marriage in the process, really, I believe it. But if you were going to tell me that it's because you are a lying, selfish, can't-keep-it-in-your-pants fuck-up, well I already know that! Otherwise, you're still lying to me and yourself! So how would you like to explain this, by finally taking responsibility and telling the truth?" 

My face was red, I could tell and I could feel tears scratching at the corners of my eyes. Every word that was coming out of my mouth was fueled solely by emotion and pent up aggression. My brain was shut off completely. 

"Alright, young lady, look, I am still your father, and NOTHING gives you the right to talk to me the way," he said with more force this time, taking a step closer to me.