Broken Until Him

Chapter 3 ~ Weak

'One little word of only four letters. Four letters that describe me so well: 'weak'. I am weak. And I'm not ashamed to admit it, or at least write it.

I'm not the best when it comes to controlling my emotions. I don't know how to overcome them when they become overwhelming. All I can manage to do is fake a smile.

But what probably hurts the most and makes me feel even weaker is the feeling of not being strong enough to move on.'

I don't even know where I am going. I just want to walk as far as I can from that guy. I know why he talked to me like that; he knows about her. He thinks I am like her.

How does he know?

I reach the stairs at the back of the school, probably where nobody goes and climbing them as fast as I can, I shut the door behind me, sliding along the wall until I settle down on the floor.

My breath seems to be getting heavier and hands are shaking but I try-

"Do not break down! Do not break down !" I keep whispering, hoping it would calm me.

But uninvited memories fill my eyes, making me blind and totally unable to stop what's happening. They flood my mind and all I see is her, again and again. I remember every single minute of that day : the day that shattered every bit of happiness inside of me.

Hashley...

I'm suffocating. My whole body is shaking as I burst into tears.
Suddenly, strong arms wrap gently around me.

"Shhh.... just breathe."

I jerk away from the touch. I hadn't heard anyone come in. My breath is still heavy and my sight blurry from the torrent of tears, but I manage to calm down a little and look up at the person standing before of me. I can barely see him; the lack of light making it difficult to discern the contours of his body. His tall frame stands a few feet away from me.

"I didn't want to scare you", the boy whispers.

He lifts a hand to brush his brown hair away from his forehead.

My tears have dried up on my face as I stare at this stranger, confused. Who is he? I wanted to be alone.

Putting my head between my knees, I take a deep breath, my pulse calming slowly from is racing. My body is still shaking but less than it was before.

"I don't need and I don't want your pity," I harshly say.

"Good, because I wasn't going to give it to you," he replies, taking a step towards me. "By the way, I'm Nathan, Nathan Perkins."

He holds out his hand for me to take but I stare at him, unable to move. I didn't expect him to answer; I just thought he would just turn around and walk away. I take his hand in mine as I get to my feet.

"I'm Jade Levinson" I mumble, quickly brushing the dust off my jeans and wiping the tears off of my face.

"I know. I saw your name on one of your books when I helped you pick them up before you ran away," he states, the weak light coming from the slightly open door illuminating his gorgeous face.

Of course, he did.

"Oh, Sorry about that... I was... I just-" I stammer, not knowing how to explain this lack self-confidence.

"Don't worry it's okay," he cuts off "Hum... Do you--Do you feel better ?", he asks hesitantly.

Do I? I don't think so...

"Yeah, I guess I do," I lie, still admiring his face.

His brown hair is wavy; those eyes seem dark even though the darkness of the room doesn't allow me to see their real colour. His lips are full yet the smile tugging at them makes them look thin, the perfectly chiseled nose of his completing the slow smile spreading across his face. I look away as I meet his gaze.

"Do you want to talk about it ?" He questions, unsure of my reaction.

I'm sure I look like I'm about to break down again; I can feel it inside myself, this wrench tearing me apart. He looks at me with concern in his eyes instead of the usual curiosity of people who usually ask me this question. But I can't.I don't even know him.

It's too soon to talk about it...

"Yes", I find myself mumble anyway.

Without intending to, I end up telling Nathan about what happened in class and about the way that rude guy judged me without even knowing me. Nathan listens to me, not interrupting me even once.

It's so weird for me to be able to talk to somebody I do not know without blushing and stammering. Maybe it's because of the darkness that's surrounding us, creating the most soothing atmosphere possible.

But I guess once this little therapy session will be over, we probably won't talk to each other ever again and I'm okay with that. I don't know why but I feel like I can trust him for this little confession, even though I will never tell him, or anybody, about her.