Author's Note Thirteen

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         I know what you all are thinking.. "Get back with the story!" I'm working on it... I just feel like I'm about to relapse... I haven't cut myself for maybe a month now. But I feel like I need to. I can feel my wrist and my thigh itching for me to do it, calling to me... I don't like it.. I have no idea where this all started, but it's starting to frighten me.. I can't think straight; I feel like I'm going insane... I'm shaking as I type this, my heart is racing, and I can't think correctly.... I just feel like I need to reach over and grab my blade, but I know I can't. I'd be betraying my friends... My family... Everyone.. I promised I would try to go clean, but I don't know if I can... I'm weak... I'm mentally weak... I need to learn that this is wrong, even though I already know.. My body is aching.. I was to go just make myself throw up and go to sleep... I don't want to wake up tomorrow and put on a fake smile for everyone. I want everyone to see how I really feel at school. If I do, I'll be painting a target on my back. I want to explain to everyone that I'm not happy. I'm depressed as fuck. I hate life but I can't give it up... I only have one shot to make this life count.. Gott ich bin sehr.. Sehr dumb.. Ach.. Ich will nichts... Kann ich sage 'Tschüss' zu alle Leute...


   Sorry for the random German.. I do that sometimes... I didn't realize it..


                  I'll just end this here before it gets worse...



Edit: Okay so I think I might legit change my name to Levi and change my pronouns from they/them to he/him. I don't know.. I'm so fucking confused with myself rn I can't tell the difference between Never Ending Forehead and Jacksfilms...


*insert reference to Jacksfilms up there*

When I had her... Markiplier x Depressed! Reader (Discontinued)Where stories live. Discover now