Chapter 41
Harry. I leave next week for college. I don't want to go to MSU if you're not speaking to me. I don't want to know that I got into that college because you're an amazing fucking boyfriend, and that I took that for granted when I overreacted. I don't want it to be a reminder of the biggest mistake I had made, jumping to conclusions that day.
I only have five days left until I leave. Please answer me. Please just come and see me before I leave. It's been ten days. Ten hellish fucking days, and I miss you, and I don't want to leave without saying goodbye.
I love you. Please answer me. xoxoxo.
I read the lengthy text message from Gardenia. I had planned to not speak to her until I was sure she learned her lesson, but the longer I went without answering her, the harder I realized it was going to be when I finally do respond. I seemed to be putting it off, but I knew I was running out of time. I decided I could respond to this text, but I didn't want to sound as though I was giving in, even though I knew that I would be in the future. Just a little bit longer, I thought.
Please don't turn down going to your dream school just because of me. I'd like to know that nothing went to waste with that. Robin pulled lots of strings to get you in.
That was it. That was all I sent, and my heart hurt when I didn't even leave any x's. I felt cold and heartless, but I knew it was better this way. I needed her to learn from her mistakes, and she wouldn't if I went easy on her, as I always do. I had to act indifferent.
A few minutes later a response came in.
You finally answered me but it didn't feel as great as I imagined it would. I can't fathom going to that school when we're not even on speaking terms. I will be going to the University of Michigan, so I don't feel any more guiltier than I do now.
I'm going to pretend that you didn't see the second paragraph about seeing me before I leave. Is it at all a possibility?
And I'm also trying to ignore the hurt from your lack of x's. But that's not going to stop me from leaving mine. xoxoxo
It hurt a lot to read her response. It hurt more than ignoring her did, to be honest.
I typed out a short response.
I'm not sure.
She replied a little bit later.
Please consider it. I'm just a phone call away. You know that. I'm sorry. I miss you & I love you xoxoxo.
And that was it, for our conversation. I didn't respond to that message, and I thought everything over instead. Should I visit her before she leaves? I wanted to. I missed her, more than she probably missed me, but that's besides the point. I didn't want her to reject the idea of going to MSU just because of our fight. Would she choose to go if I forgive her? Or would she still go to U of M?
Tomorrow, I thought. I will visit her tomorrow, so I don't look too desperate. I'm going to give her an entire night to think that I'm not going to see her before she leaves, and I'll talk to her tomorrow and we'll settle all of this. We'll talk to one another like actual adults, and we'll fix everything.
