butterfly ▸ vhope

17 :: Pity

"Hey, hyung,"

I smiled at Taehyung warmly. It was lunch time and we had agreed to have lunch at the cafeteria together. Normally, I would be at the library researching for my History of Dance and Music subject while Taehyung had lunch with his classmates to discuss on the day's activities. But today, Taehyung had texted me before our fourth period and asked me to have lunch with him. He seemed eager so I agreed.

"Hey. I see you've even bought my share. Thanks,"

"No problem,"

I sat down and we started eating. Today's menu at the cafeteria was baked vegetables in cheese and Japanese cold noodles. I assumed that Taehyung was starving since he literally engulfed the entire bowl of cold noodles in two minutes. I chuckled and returned to my food while I made some notes on my exercise book.

"Hyung, can you do your notes later? It's lunch time and eating while doing something else is not healthy,"

I smiled and nodded before closing my exercise book and slot it back into my bag. Taehyung brightened up at this and continued to eat his vegetable dish. I continued eating my food when I remembered what Adam and I had talked about.

"Tae? I got something to ask you,"

"Sure. What is it?"

"Are you doing this because you pity me and my feelings?"

"This?"

"Trying to do couple-like stuff with me,"

And he swallowed and shut his mouth. He tried to look away but I knew him like the back of my hand: he was trying to run away. The tips of his ears turned red as the tension between us grew. I waited and his mind ran. It wasn't until five minutes later when he decided to speak up.

"I'm sorry, hyung. I didn't know what to do. And I couldn't just leave you hanging like that. Plus, if I forced myself, I might actually grow to like you the way you like me. But it wasn't that easy. I'm sorry,"

Well, that hurt. So he really was doing this out of pity. Why am I not surprised? Truth be told, I should have expected it, but why does my heart hurts so much?

"It's fine, Tae. Don't force yourself. If you're straight, then you're straight. You don't need to force yourself to like me if you don't want to. I understand,"

I was smiling on the outside. But inside, wave after wave of pain hit me and needles poked my heart until it bled me dry.

"I'm really sorry, hyung. I should have been honest with you,"

I just nodded. Excusing myself, I grabbed my bag, books and files and left. I was afraid that if I stayed any longer, I wouldn't be able to hold in the tears anymore.