Turning Tables (Jikook)

Chapter 40: Self-Deception

Jimin's POV:

I woke up early in the morning, compared to my recent waking times. Wow, that alone time in the porch really helped me move on. I stretched my fully-rested limbs and sat up, yawning.

"Good morning, Kookie." I said. I was waiting for a response, but nothing came. That's the only time I remembered that Jungkook was no longer sharing a room with me. He moved his stuff to Namjoon's room. When I realized it, I laughed at myself. It was kind of embarrassing – how greeting him that way became a routine to me, even though our relationship, if you can call it that, lasted only for a few days. Jimin, really, very funny.

I stood up and quickly washed my face before changing into my jogging attire. After tying my shoe laces, I quietly opened the door of MY room and headed down stairs to find Tae already waiting for me.

"Good morning, Tae." I greeted him. Tae looked at me and smiled, but I didn't miss the slight hint of curiosity in his expression.

"Good morning, hyung." Tae greeted me back and stood up. He eyed me from head to toe, and back. He locked gaze with me and gave me a questioning look. "Wow. I was actually shocked when you texted me last night that you wanted to go jogging with me." He said as he followed me outside. I just continued walking, and began to pick the pace up, until I was at a comfortable pace in jogging. Tae was left behind for some moment, but he eventually caught up with me. We continued jogging, just jogging, not talking to each other like we usually do when we jog together. After a few minutes, Tae began to speak.

"Hyung, I'm so proud of you." Tae said to me. I looked at him and raised my brow.

"Why is that? Did I win an award I don't know?" I jokingly asked him. Honestly, I didn't know what he was talking about.

"Hyung, I'm proud of how you took everything that happened." Tae said to me. "I am so happy that you finally walked out your little hiding place and decided to live again." He continued. I looked at him to see him smiling his famous rectangle smile.

"If it weren't for your support, I wouldn't have made it. After I went to the porch and cried my heart out, I came to realize, that it can't go on like that forever." I said to him. "That I got a life to live." I continued. Tae smiled again and continued jogging. We were just jogging until Tae talked again.

"Hyung... how are you feeling now? I mean, are you finally able to realize how you feel about him?" Tae asked me. Damn, I should've been ready for that question.

I just continued jogging, thinking about a good answer. "Y-you don't have to answer that question, you know. Just forget about it." Tae quickly said when he noticed my lack of response. I felt thankful that Tae is not in his 4D mode today. At least, I didn't have to fabricate an answer.

If I were to ask myself – What am I feeling right now? I am sure that I wouldn't be able to come up with an answer. I am not ready to face anything about the matter. I am not yet able to realize how I really feel. But right now, I am still trying to build my strength up. And I decided to show the other members that I am stronger. I wanted to show the other members that I am able to handle my emotions, and that I can stand up again, live again, just like what I did after the many times that Jungkook hurt me in the past. But even so, it was all a lie. I was lying to myself, because no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I am ok, I am not.

We continued jogging, and eventually went to the cliff where we watched the sunrise. I sat down on the rock and waited for some time. Tae was also sitting on another rock and was also staring at the horizon, waiting for the sun to come out of its hiding. We just waited in silence. Then, finally, the sun shone across the sky. I felt the sunlight rain down on me. The warmth was very comforting. I felt at peace, even for that small time. Then, the memory of having Jungkook there beside me, watching with me came rushing in. I turned to look at my side, and found Tae just staring at the horizon. I looked away, and back to the sun, and shrugged the memory away. Right now, those kinds of memories seemed to not help me.