Reason-Sequel to Caution. Purpose. Faith-A Derek Hale Story (Teen Wolf fanfic)

Chapter 14: Have Heart

What was I thinking?!

Derek wanted to punch himself, really hard in the face, the stomach and then his unmentionables, everywhere that hurt the most but he knew nothing could hurt more than his heart at that moment. It felt like someone had literally gone into his chest, grabbed his heart and played freaking dodge ball with it, his rib cage was the target.

Her stunned expression and wide tear brimmed eyes continuously flashed in his mind, as if his brain was taunting him, condemning him, more than he condemned himself. He looked down at his hands; he was disgusted by the sight of them, the reminder of what he did.

Derek was always in control of his wolf, it took years since he first started shifting but it took only one full moon, one incident to lose control. Even though it wasn’t exactly rampaging through the forest maiming anyone he could find, it felt roughly the same, he had hurt the one he cared about the most, his Meg.

Not anymore. A voice chanted in his mind that made him stop in his hurried steps.

He couldn’t believe he just ran, but the guilt was overwhelming and made him feel like he was suffocating in it. He raised his gaze to survey his surroundings; he was out of the forest. In fact he was so far from it that the forest was his background now, he looked ahead to see the main road with a gas station on the opposite side. The area was pretty deserted and Derek was thankful, he didn’t want to be around people.

He stood staring at the asphalt though his thoughts were on her, she was so surprised and confused, she had no idea of his implications, no realisation of her actions which only proved her innocence and made him feel all the more dreadful. Knowing Meg he figured she must be at the apartment now, the thought of her bawling her eyes out made his heart sink into his stomach.

He needed a distraction; he was parched from the walking and the dry cool air beating against him.  Derek shoved his shaking hands into the pockets of his leather jacket and strode towards the petrol station with a purpose. The place had an average grocery store with a restaurant beside it; he stood between the two contemplating on which one to set foot in. He glanced down at his watch, it was almost nine, and he had been out by himself for nearly two hours.

They must be hungry Derek remembered it was his turn to bring dinner.

He walked into the restaurant and to the counter; wordlessly he stared up at the large board listing the various types of dishes available. He began to wonder which dish would most likely say “please forgive me”.

I’ll just buy as much as I can.

“Well if it isn’t Mr. Tall-dark and handsome, fancy seeing you here.” A deep airless voice spoke in his direction, Derek looked to his left to find Jacqueline leaning against the counter staring at him with those bright eyes.

“Not really, it’s a small town.” His retort was quick and direct, laughter chimed from her full red lips and she nodded in agreement, Derek resisted the urge to cringe the laugh was obviously forced at an attempt to entice him.

“Point taken” She mused but then her emerald gaze drifted to the several bags the cashier body had filled with packed food for Derek, her dark brows disappeared behind her auburn bangs “So dinner for three?” She asked.

Derek looked to the bags as well, a small trace of a smile pinching the corner of his lips, though he had bought for Isaac too most of the large boxes were filled with food that Meg enjoyed. Fish and chips, pie and nachos, her stomach were clearly a portal of some kind. His eyes lit up in an idea, a tactic to massively reduce Jacqueline’s insistent flirting.