Having Harry's Baby

Not This

   I felt my heart beat wildly inside my chest, threatening to expose how afraid I actually was. I felt as if someone had caught me doing the deed with the neighbor in my parent's bed.
   I didn't think that Zayn's knowing would affect me at all when I'd arrived at the house, but it did. But he was being sweet about it, which in some way was a relief.
   Harry was clearly comfortable sharing this information with his friend. Why shouldn't I be?
   I watched Zayn sit a little straighter, his lips fixed in a rigid manner. "You were here when this happened with Riley. You have to come clean, you know? With the rest of the guys and with management. We don't have much time left here."
Time?
   Harry nodded and looked over at me. He sighed, for the first time allowing me to see how uncertain he was about everything. "I haven't been completely honest with you, Hazel."
   His words stunned me, so I didn't even know how to answer. What's he not telling me?
   "I'm on tour right now. We just started off. We have a week off right now, but after the eleventh of this month, I'm going to be off again."
   I swallowed hard, as of this information had been a thick pill to get down. "Okay."
   But it wasn't okay. Harry had promised and I'd believed him when he said he'd be here for me, and now he wouldn't be. It was as though my world had come crumbling down. I was alone again. I didn't have anyone. And I had to do this alone, the most terrifying thought I could have ever mustered.
   The felt the air catch in my lungs and stood abruptly. "I need some air," I said quietly as I turned and found my way outside.
   I wanted nothing more than to cry and feel sorry for myself. I'll be alone, carrying Harry's baby. Everyone will know.
   But feeling sorry for myself wouldn't solve my problems. I'd told Harry before that I didn't need anybody. I'd convinced him and myself that this was true. I'd only need to do that again. Convince myself that I'd be okay without him, carrying his child.
   I knew it was Harry behind me as soon as I heard the footsteps. I turned to see him, my expression calm and collected. Nothing ever hurts me. It can't.
   "I should've told you before. I'm so sorry," was what he said, his expression sorrowful. "I just didn't know how. This job... It's what I wanted my whole life. It's brought me so many great things. Right now, though... It feels like such a pain to have to return to it. I told you that I'd be here and I wanted to. I want to-"
   "You don't need to explain. I understand. I'll be fine on my own, Harry. I always have been," I told him coolly. He didn't need to hear my pain.
   His eyebrows pulled together. "I'll call you every day, I promise. As many times as I can. And when I have time off, I'll be here. And if you need anything, I'll drop it all. I'm still going to be here for you. I won't break that promise."
   I closed my eyes, wishing that I could believe his words. But I'd heard those words time and time before and they'd never been the truth. "I'm a grown woman. I don't need you, Harry. It won't be much different than it has been already. And I won't hold you to your promise because I never believed in it anyway."
   He looked as though I'd suggested we murder a newborn kitten. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, I saw Riley come up behind him, her hand falling onto his shoulder kindly.
   She looked me straight on, a small smile on her lips. Her expression was gentle, her beautiful hair falling effortlessly onto her shoulders. "I know what it's like to be where you are," she said, her fingers laced in between each other. "And I tried running from this, their lives... Hazel, you're in this now for the long haul. And Harry's the father of that baby you're carrying. This isn't something you want to do alone. I know..." She paused, her eyes glinting with tears. "It was bad timing. I was blessed that when it happened to me, the boys had just ended their tour. But you're stuck in the middle of this. He has to go. But I'm here. I have two children and I'm taking care of them all by myself," she smiled. "I could use some company. Maybe a little help."
   I stayed silent, my sight on her.
   "Would you move in with me?" She asked, her tone so sweet, nearly naive.
   "I - I don't know," I stuttered. It was a lot to process. Leaving my home behind, my life. Everything I was accustomed to already. "I'm comfortable where I am. It's not that I'm not grateful... I just..." And again I was at a loss for words.
Harry seemed to be as shocked as I was. He clearly wasn't expecting such a gesture by Riley's part. But he recovered quickly. His eyes met hers and then mine. "That's actually the best idea that I've heard so far."
"It'll be fun,"Riley said to me, her smile full this time. "I know it could be. And we can help each other."