Having Harry's Baby

Can't Believe I Did That

   I woke what seemed like hours later, feeling dazed and confused. I wasn't in Harry's arms anymore and for a moment it felt as though I missed it. I actually wanted to have woken up in his arms? It felt so empty.
   I shook the remaining thoughts about Harry out of my mind. I had to remind myself that Harry was simply a guy who happens to be my baby's father. That was all. No feelings. No commitment. No waking up next to each other. And then I felt better. I was strong. Never needed anybody.
   I sat up, looking around me to find my apartment empty. I was alone.
   When I checked the watch on my wrist I noticed it was nearly twelve in the afternoon. Had I really slept that long?
   I slowly rise from my bed, stretching my arms above me. I wondered where Harry had gone, but quickly erase the thought from my head. Who cares?
   In a pinch I'm in the shower, washing my hair. I can't stop thinking about that morning when he showed up. The way he acted, so nervous and caring. I can't stop thinking about the sex. And I especially can't stop thinking about what happened after that.
Just as I was lost in my thoughts, I heard a door open and then close straight after. I was frozen still. I was sure the door was locked before I got into the shower.
I'm going to die.
My heart sinks as I step out of the shower. I wrap my towel around myself, taking slow, silent steps toward the door. What do I do?
I look around for something I can hold, use as a weapon. But I come up empty handed. All I can find is the broom, so I remove the head and keep the stick in my hands.
I take a deep breath as I open the door, ready to swing on anyone or anything. I stop mid step, seeing Harry at the kitchen, removing foam boxes from some bags.
"How'd you get back in?" I ask him, setting the broomstick aside and wrapping my arms around myself.
He turns around, noticing me at the bathroom door. "I took your key. I didn't think you'd be up yet. Did I frighten you?"
I sigh sarcastically. "Of course not. I only nearly shit myself."
I see a hint of a smile creep onto his lips before it entirely fades. "I'm sorry. I went out to buy food."
I nod once, turning around and closing the bathroom door behind me again. I didn't know how I felt about Harry taking my key, or about him going out to buy food. It was like he was feeling too comfortable around me. Is that what they're like where he's from?
I put my clothes on quickly and hung my towel. Before walking out I brushed my teeth and combed my hair out.
Harry was now sitting on the sofa, leaned back with his leg crossed over the other. Waiting.
   "Are you hungry?" He asks, standing up and walking back over to the counter. The counter we'd... done things on only hours earlier.
   I quietly wished he'd cleaned it before setting food on it. I thought for a moment. My head hurt a little. My stomach felt tight. I didn't know whether it was nausea or hunger. "I don't know," I tell him, feeling just as confused as he looked.
"You don't know if you're hungry?"
I shook my head. "No. I don't know. I get sick sometimes."
His eyebrows pull together. "What do you mean by sick?"
"Like, nausea, headaches, throw up sick."
"And that's normal?" He asks, his full attention on me. He seemed utterly surprised.
I nod. "Yeah. At least for now. I wouldn't want to eat the food you brought to maybe throw it up later."
He shook his head. "You have to eat. I don't care if it gets brought back up later."
I watch as he serves me a plate of pancakes, eggs, and bacon. It smells so good, I can't bring myself to say no to him. So I wait quietly, stuck in my thoughts, as he does his thing.
I didn't even notice when he holds the plate out before me. "Hazel, are you alright?"
I snap back to reality and take it from his waiting hand. "Yeah. I'm fine. Thanks."
   Harry sits beside me and I immediately feel his eyes on me.
   "What?" I ask, feeling rude just as the word comes from my mouth. "I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from."
   I watch him smile. "Don't worry about it. I shouldn't have stared."
   I'm about to tell him he's wrong, but I don't. I don't necessarily want him thinking that I don't mind his watchful eyes. They clearly make me uncomfortable.
We eat in silence and he waits until I'm finished before he clears both our plates and washes the dishes for me. He even washes the ones already in the sink, after I told him not to. He insisted. He's pushy as hell.

That afternoon we do have a Star Wars marathon. We watch Episodes IV, V, and VI before we both decide to call it quits. The whole time was simply awkward. We honestly didn't know what to do with ourselves. We didn't talk. Didn't make any comments. We just sat there and watched. Every once and a while one or both of us would get up to get some food or something to drink. We had a break to eat dinner, as well. Harry paused Episode V midway for about twenty minutes when I ran off to the bathroom, on the verge of throwing up.
It was nearly eleven at night when I finally spoke again. "I can't watch another movie," I sighed. I wasn't so much tired, but I knew I had work the following day. I needed to sleep some. And I didn't want to sit through two more awkward hours with Harry.
He lets out a loud, relieved sigh as well. "Thank God. I can't sit through another one."
We both laugh awkwardly at our own awkwardness. How is it possible that a man so confident in bed is so damn awkward the rest of the time?
I stop to wonder whether being around me has the same effect on him as the effect he has on me.
I notice he's looking down at his hands when he clears his throat. "Have you been feeling weird, too?"
My eyes widen a little at the question. Have you been reading my mind? "A little," I lie, then laugh a little. "A lot, yeah. Why's it feel like this?"
His eyebrows pull together. "I don't know. But we have to find a way to get used to being around each other."
   I nod. He's right. We really can't keep ignoring the gap between us. We are going to be around a each other a lot, it seems, if Harry keeps this up.
   "Well, we can work on that. Just not tonight. I have work tomorrow," I tell him, trying my best to sound the least hostile as possible. And failing.
   Harry runs his fingers through his hair as he looks at me apprehensively. "I don't know how I feel about you working, honestly."
   "You're overstepping boundaries," I warn, knowing where he was getting at. Pushy. He's getting to pushy.
   He sighs. "My baby, too, you know?"
   I shake my head and scratch at my eyes tiredly. "Go home, Harry."
   I see him bite his lip and then release it. "Okay. Goodnight, Hazel."
   I bow my head. "Goodnight."
   He shifts nervously, as if not knowing what to do with the proximity between us. I wasn't angry nor upset with him. Quite the contrary. There was something about being so close... I want to have him in my bed is the problem.
   And then I see him lean over for a hug. And I do what seems like the most normal thing that I can do to save myself from taking him to bed. I high five him.
I fucking high fived Harry Styles.
   The tension in the room nearly quadruples as he nods comprehensively and then turns around to leave. I don't say anything. I'm mortified. I only let him leave. And then heave a huge sigh as I drop onto my bed.
I can't believe I did that.
I high fived him.