Faith.Hope.Love

19. Not Letting Go

I made a mistake when I  walked away from Faith that day. 

We went to the same university.  She used to write for our university paper. I remember the first time I saw her. She was walking so fast to reach their office that she'd almost run.   I was sitting on a bench under the tree in front of their office. I'd love to go to that area to find relief from the shade the tree was providing. 

Every time Faith would go their office, I couldn't help but noticed her. Several times our eyes would meet and she would just smile at me. I learned that her true name was Katherine Faith Perez when I got a copy of the school paper. I'd read the stories and poems she had written. It was a reflection of herself. Then there was this one poem entitled, "I Will Wait". 

I made a reply to her poem entitled, "For the One Who Waits" and submitted it to their office anonymously. I had never done that before but  I couldn't help myself but reply on her poem. I put it on the bulletin board outside their office and unexpectedly Faith answered back. 

We'd exchanged poems and then one day she left a message asking if I would consider joining the school paper and that she was excited to meet me in person.  I agreed to meet with her but I refused to join the paper because of my schedules.  I had the courage to ask her if she would consider having coffee and a blueberry cheesecake.  And she said she'd love to do that.

Finally, we'd be able to meet personally. Unfortunately,  my father got a  medical emergency the day we were supposed to meet. My mom and I rushed him to the hospital. When my father was stable already, I ran my way to the university to meet Faith. I was so excited, I saw her from afar. Fifteen more steps near her. 

Unexpectedly, a man came from behind me carrying a bouquet of flowers. He passed by me and gave the flowers to Faith.  She looked surprised but seemed happy.  I had second thoughts if I would still come to her. I chose not to come because I didn't want to ruin that moment. 

I walked away that day.  

Since then, I didn't have the courage to come near her.  At one time, I saw Faith still waiting on the same hour we're supposed to meet. I saw her posting a note labeled "From Someone Still Waiting." But I never tried to answer her back. 

I knew that I let go of that precious chance to know her more...I let go of that chance to tell her how much I appreciate and admire her. She left a special footprint in my heart.  For so many years I tried to forget about her until we met again at the mission organization.  

I thought I had moved on. But I thought wrong. During one of our devotions where everyone was giving encouragement and hugs, I found myself in front of her. I was afraid to hold her. As I felt her face on my shoulders as we embrace, my heart beat so fast that I had to let her go soon. It was then that I realized that she was still the one who captured my heart. But how can I say to her that I was the one who didn't come?  I was the one who didn't take the remaining fifteen more steps to meet her? How can I tell her that I prayed and hoped for this moment to be near her?

I had my life away from her. But in my heart, she stayed. Just when I thought I'd have this chance to tell her everything, I needed to go away. Should I tell her? But that would be so unkind and unfair to her. 

"The doctor said, she needed to rest for a day and she'll be discharged by tomorrow," Rachel informed me as she entered the hospital room.

"That would be good. Thank you, Rachel." I said.

"She's really a hard-headed. I told her to sleep but she's been working so hard for the book launch. But that's where her heart is. What can I do but to support her..." Rachel added.

"I'm sorry that I was not able to help her Rachel..." I apologized.

"Oh, that's okay Gabriel...We helped her the best way we could and everything went well. It was a dream come true especially for the children of Today's Hope." She uttered as she sat beside the bed of Faith.

I didn't know what else to say.

"By the way, it would be good if you'll go home first Gabriel. Have some sleep. You've been here since last night. Justine and Aimee are coming, we can take care of our dear friend here..." Rachel stated.

"I can stay until she wakes up," I said.  

"But you also need to rest. I don't want another person to be confined here due to lack of sleep...that's too much for me to handle." Rachel smiled as she said that.

"And Faith would not be happy to know that when she wakes up!" Rachel added.

"Thank you, Rachel. But please allow me to stay...even until this day."  I pleaded.

"Why, are you going somewhere?"  Rachel became worried.

"Yes, I'll have to go soon..." I admitted.