Faith.Hope.Love

6. Remembering the Past

The heavy rain poured down for the next minutes. Gabriel said that we should wait for the rain to subside a bit. I had no choice but to agree with him. I was sitting silently in the passenger's seat as I tried to compose myself.

He handed me his white hanky. I'd been working with Gabriel for almost three years but I'd never felt so uncomfortable like this when he was around. I couldn't even look straight to his face. I was not sure if he felt the same way but it seemed that it was the other way around.

The rain began to stop and Gabriel started the engine of the car.

"We can go home now," Gabriel said.

"I think you just have to drop me by the nearest bus stop so you can go on your way." I immediately decline.

"Nope, I'll bring you home. Are you afraid or something?"

"Afraid of what?" Is he thinking that I'm afraid of him?

"Afraid that I might charge you taxi fare!"

We both laughed.

'So Faith, what's happening on Saturday?" He inquired.

"Oh, that, I'd go to Today's Hope on Saturday. Teacher Angelo called yesterday. He said the kids submitted their materials for the book. I'll check on them." I explained.

He just nodded. The traffic was not that heavy. In my calculation, we'd get home in an hour.

I was glad that he opened the music player. I concentrated on the bay side view that I was seeing outside the window of Gabriel's car. I was fascinated on how the leaves of the trees seemed to dance with the winds. I folded my arms as I slowly lay back my head.

"Hey, we're here. " Gabriel's voice startled me. I didn't know that I fell asleep while he was driving. That was so embarrassing.

"I'm so sorry...."

"No worries." He smiled sweetly. I didn't notice before that Gabriel had a lovely smile.

"Thank you so much for the ride. I owe you one."

I hurriedly came out from the car and waved goodbye.

"You're most welcome Faith. Good night." He waited for me to get inside the gate of our house.

***

I couldn't sleep. Maybe because I had a long nap in Gabriel's car. It was one of my most embarrassing moments. I decided to open my laptop and check some emails. I opened my sent items folder. I just went through it and noticed one email I've sent for so many years ago to an unknown email address.

And I read it...

I've been feeling so low tonight. There are so many questions in my heart. Just almost four months ago, a very important relationship had to end. I had to let go but the pain was still in my heart. I'm still hoping for a reconciliation but circumstances showed otherwise. I feel so unloved, rejected and alone.

I just wanted to share my life with the love I found but eventually, it couldn't happen anymore. I still believe that God has a purpose and a perfect timing for everything. It's just that it's very difficult to move on.

Everyday was a constant struggle for me. I was holding back the tears in my eyes. I could only utter, "Lord, it's okay if I had to feel this struggle, this is only a season of my life, I will accept this for tomorrow I will face a different story...Please don't let me go...just don't leave me, Lord..."

I prayed that the God would take away the pain I have in my heart but still, it won't go away. I really don't know when will it end. I only believe that the Lord will let me understand and see the situation...

Tonight my nephew asked me to watch a movie with him. My heart really ached but I couldn't let him down. It was almost 9 pm. My eyes just reminded me to sleep. Everytime I'd close my eyes; my nephew would threaten me not to sleep reminding me how beautiful the movie was.

Then I 'd watched the movie again. Then, came the part that the good person and the villain had this conversation. The villain happened to be the roommate of the famous inventor, Louise and he said that he was the little boy, who never sleeps because of Louise's invention works every night. Louise would always stay late at night.

One night, Louise finished his invention, for the science fair. On the other hand, Moorhead would have his baseball game the next day. What happened was Moorhead, due to lack of sleep, slept literally at the game and their team lose the game. Moorhead's teammates had beaten him up. He never forgot what happened.

He blamed Louise from that day on and no one adopted him until he grew up because during the interviews he would always show his bitterness over what happened.

He blamed Louise and promised himself that he would ruin Louise life. Until one day, Louise made two-time machines. Moorhead stole one of the time machines and went back to the time of science fair where he planned to steal Louise's invention. He indeed went back to the time when Louise was in the science fair and stole Louise's invention. He blamed Louise for everything. He didn't move forward like what Louise did.

"It's not my fault, it's just that you have to keep moving forward," Louise said to Moorhead.

Keep moving forward. How I wish that I could simply move forward at this moment. Right now...just like in the movie.

I am not sure if I can move on easily. I'm not sure if moving forward is easy. Perhaps I just need to still believe and wait for a happy ending. At least now, I am awake in the fairy tale I dearly placed in my heart. Yes, I didn't end with my first love. I was blaming myself. Maybe I must learn to forgive myself first so I can move on. One day I will hope again, love again and wait for a happy ending.

I didn't notice my tears were already falling from my eyes as I finished reading the email. It was written 15 years ago. I smiled at myself. I have to thank my nephew for asking me to watch "Meet the Robinsons".

Sometimes, God would really speak to us in unique ways. The Lord spoke to me through my nephew that night. I decided to forgive and forget all the bitterness of the past. I started to keep moving forward. Until now.

Why am I becoming so emotional, remembering the past? Oh my, perhaps because of the rain. I hope tomorrow it would not rain anymore.

I dried up the tears in my eyes.