butterfly: [kim namjoon]

thirty-one

 "Where is he?" Ray muttered, starting to panic. She had been admiring some paintings that were being sold when she turned around and couldn't find the man anywhere. Her breaths started getting shorter and shorter. She scanned the area around her. The man was nowhere to be seen. Ray spun a lock of hair around her finger and tugged at it. She bit her lip, looking around again. He was nowhere to be seen. It was clear that he wasn't seen by fans, or else she'd be hearing screams of "oppa" and "Rap Monster."

What if he was caught by sasaeng fans? Ray started getting even more scared. Was he safe? Did something happen? She stared at the people walking by. A few occasionally brushed by her and she flinched at the contact.

"Namjoon, where are you?" she whimpered. Tears started building up in her eyes. She was stuck in a place far away from home and the only person she knew was gone.

Someone's hands were on her neck. Ray opened her mouth to scream. One of the hands clamped over her mouth and the person behind her immediately started talking.

"Hey, it's me. It's okay." She recognized Namjoon's voice. Ray relaxed, letting out a sigh of relief. A few seconds later she turned around to face him.

"God, you scared me. Where were you?!" she exclaimed. The man grinned and pointed down at her chest. She looked down and saw a silver chain with a small silver butterfly at the end.

"Happy holidays," he said. Ray looked back up at him and pulled him into a tight embrace. He's warm.

"Thank you so much. I love it. You didn't have to."

"Yes I did. Now let's go before you protest. I'm taking you to dinner." Ray tried to protest but closed her mouth when Namjoon threatened to not feed her. She didn't want him wasting money on her, but free food was not something she could reject.

When they got to the restaurant, Namjoon and Ray followed the waiter to a closed area. It seemed like no one had recognized the idol so no one would bother them, thankfully. Ray and Namjoon ordered and then waited for the food to be brought.

"So..." Ray started awkwardly.

"Is now a good time to talk about it?" Namjoon asked hesitantly. Ray stopped herself from frowning and nodded cautiously.

"We have to do it eventually, don't we? Sooner is better than later." Namjoon nodded and looked at Ray.

"So..."

"So..." They laughed for a second before wiping the smiles off of their faces and bringing back the serious atmosphere.

"I am willing to work hard to find time to spend with you and sneak out to do so. I am willing to answer any questions asked however you would like me to. I can work hard to make this relationship work, but I can only do that if you are willing to do this with me. There might be times when we can't see each other for months and we will have to constantly beware of paparazzi. I might not be able to be there for you physically when you need me. If you need a normal relationship with someone who will rush to your side because of one word, someone who will put you above everything else no matter what, then we shouldn't go through with this, no matter how much we might like each other. I won't be able to give you hugs and kisses every day because I have a job that will keep me away from you all the time. As much as I'd like to say that you're more important than my job, I can't because my members, company, family, and fans are all counting on me to work and do my job. If you're not okay with that, then maybe we should just leave each other right now and just talk online like usual, or not at all."

Ray stared in fascination at Namjoon's honesty. He was completely blunt with his explanation and she couldn't have asked for more. She knew that sugarcoating things would get them nowhere and she was glad Namjoon understood that.

She took a while to take in everything he said and think it through. Everything he said was true. No matter how much he liked her and cared for her, work came before her. They would rarely see each other, especially if she was accepted after her auditions and did become a musician. The question was, could she handle that? Would she be willing to only see her boyfriend once or twice every few months? Would she be able to handle him covering his face whenever they went on a date or even hiding inside their rooms instead of going out? Would she be able to handle talking to him only through texts for months on end?

Namjoon waited patiently for Ray's response. He knew it was a difficult decision and he'd respect her no matter what she decided. He was in all honesty expecting the worst. Few people would agree to a relationship like this. Few people would try hard enough to make it work and he feared Ray would not be one of those few people.

"I've lived for twenty years without being in a serious relationship." Namjoon's stomach dropped. Here it comes. He waited for the rejection.

"I barely let people touch me and I've never told someone I loved them. I have few friends and there's never someone who's ready to be there for me at any time." Ray smiled and Namjoon furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "I think I can last some more."

He almost jumped up in joy right then and there, sweeping her up into his arms and peppering her face with kisses, but he didn't. Instead, he took a few deep breaths, calming himself and forcing his smile back.

"Are you sure about this? You understand what being in a relationship with me means, right? Especially if we're found out?" He questioned cautiously. Ray grinned.

"Yeah, I know. But you know what? I don't give a fuck."

"I don't give a shit, I don't give a fuck," Namjoon couldn't resist. A wide smile spread across Ray's face as she started her failure of a rap in Korean. She let Namjoon do most of the song before it got to the chorus.

"Never mind, never mind!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. Namjoon followed along with the rap. They finished and fell into a fit of laughter. Interrupted by his cellphone, Namjoon quickly apologized and picked it up. Ray heard someone speaking on the other side, but she couldn't make out the words. Namjoon replied occasionally, either with a hum, telling the person on the other side of the line he was listening, or an actual sentence. He frowned after hanging up.

"What's wrong?" Ray asked, concerned. Namjoon sighed.

"I have to see the doctor tomorrow to check up on my hand and all. Looks like I won't be able to spend the time with you."

"Oh my god! I completely forgot about that! I'm so sorry! Is your hand okay? And you carried my bags! You idiot! You should have let me take them on my own!" Namjoon shook his head and laughed.

"It's fine really! And I used my other hand to carry your bags, so it's okay." Ray pouted and crossed her arms, glaring at Namjoon. He just laughed and poked her cheeks.

"Hey!" she whined. She tried to look mad, but failed. Instead she just poked Namjoon's dimples, a huge grin on her face.

"Anyways, it looks like we can't hang out tomorrow, sorry. But I'll make sure to take you everywhere the day after! And you can also meet the others, alright?" Namjoon explained. Ray nodded.

"For now let's finish dinner and then take me home, 'kay? I'm kinda tired from the flight." Namjoon agreed and they did as she said. When they got to her house, Ray turned to Namjoon in front of it and looked up at him. She looked like she wanted to do something but was hesitating. Namjoon raised an eyebrow, silently questioning her. She took a deep breath, quickly stood up on her toes, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and ran inside. Namjoon stood outside, slightly shocked. When the moment processed, he grinned and turned away, heading back to the dorm. 

{a/n: eyyyyy guess who's back lol. so this was a bit long and boring but... i don't give a shit, i don't give a fuck. anywaysss, shameless self promotion, if you have bts ships you wanna read about, check out my story Cracks in the Sky. byyy the wayyyy, i think this story will end kinda soon? maybe a few more chapters? that might be three chapters or it might be ten but yeah. just a warning.}