Oblivion | Zach Clayton | Completed

Chapter Seventeen

Courtney's Pov

"What? No Nick please tell me your joking?" I nervously laughed trying my hardest not to cry again.

He didn't say anything and Zach only held onto me tighter but I didn't hug him back, I didn't need his pity. Or his warmth...

"Please tell me your joking, Nick!" I exclaimed, whipping away the stranded tears. I didn't want Zach to see me cry, not again. I was already weak in front of him. I don't want to be even more weak.

Nick didn't respond all he did was hand me a note. I looked at his hand with the note in it and grabbed it from him. Zachs arm was still wrapped around me, it was like he didn't even know they were. But neither did I until Nick was watching them.

I took the note from Nick and read over it.

Dear Courtney,

I am sorry. I really am. I wanted to do this for the longest time but I never got the chance. With your brother and you being bored I couldn't leave you to be an orphan. Now that your step mom is here, I never wanted too because I loved her so much. But when she threatened to leave me like your biological mom did I lost.

I really do miss your mom you know. And your brothers. Speaking of your brothers live with them, choose which sibling you want to live with.

I know you'll miss me, just know I'll be watching over you. I love you Courtney. Don't ever forget that. Don't ever quit on musical.ly and younow and anything else. I am proud of you, I'm sorry for making you think otherwise.

P.s I approve of you ever dating Zach.

Love, Dad

A blush rose to my cheeks as Zach read over the last sentence.

"Did you get a letter too?" I asked Nick and he nodded while handing me his.

Dear Nick,

I'm sorry. I know you nor anyone else would want me to do this. It's to complicated to explain. Your step mom left me this morning. I don't know what I did wrong.

It was probably my attitude. I only wanted what's best for you kids. and I know what's best for you now. What's best for you is your mermaids and Courtney's supporters is best for her.

Don't ever quit doing what your doing, you love doing it and your proud of it. Keep making me proud. I may not be there physically with you but I will always be watching over you. My spirit will always be with you.

I love you and watch over Courtney please.

Love, Dad

I handed the letter back to Nick and sighed.

"I'm not going to cry." I concluded.

Zach hugged me and snuggled his face into the crook of my neck. "I'm so sorry, Courtney."

I shook my head, "don't be. I'm not going to cry, I already cried today."

Zach took his hands off of me.

"It's okay to cry. It doesn't make you weak." He told me, acting as if he read my mind.

"I think I'm just gonna go." Nick shrugged coming closer to me to give me a kiss on the forehead before leaving.

"Do you want me to go too?" Zach asked and I nodded with a frown. I really wanted him to stay but I didn't want to cry infront of him.

Perfect moment to musical.ly I'm sorry right now, isn't it? and that's exactly what I did, once he left. Although I ended up crying in the middle of the musical.ly, ruining the whole thing.

God, I am such a flop.

Scroll until you see another bold warning because that is when the self harming, (Ik I hate self harm too,) and emotional shit is done with.

Why did I have to be so weak. Every time I even thought something negative it always comes back to haunt me.

The pain never goes away until it gets what it wants, to hurt me. Once I give in and hurt myself there is no going back.

It sucks because that's all I do when I'm in a situation like this. Expect in never been this bad. But getting a text from my ex best friend paisley right after I failed the musical.ly didn't help at all.

From Paisley: Glad you still have my number, now it will be even more easier to still hurt you while you stay at nicks for the rest of your life. Heard about your father probably killed himself over you. You were always such a disappointment.

I didn't want to create more drama so before I did anything I blocked her number screenshot the text so I could expose her and then deleted the conversation.

I tweeted the screenshot on Twitter and  wrote, "the girls at my old school are literally so fake and hopefully I just exposed her to all of those mutha truckers she wanted to have a one night stand with."

I got a bunch of hate on that tweet, but I seriously couldn't care less. I did what I had to do and my self harming was not for the hate.

The cutting I was doing just right now was for me. It was how I grieved. How I surrived. It was like drawing but better. I draw because I'm bored, I cut because I'm sad.

I haven't done it in a long time but to see the blade make a mark into my skin never made me as content as I am now.

Yes I said blade, I couldn't go anywhere without them. Especially for a month. I could have been clean for a year 2016 could have been my year. Yeah I guess I fucked up with that move.

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Okay so the self harming ending and the sadness and shit and so did the story.

But if you guys are suffering from self harm or depression. PM me right now, I don't check my PM's often but I guarantee you that Ik what you are going though. I've been though it too.

SO PM ME